Good morning, I am trying to achive the IELTS test, could you please check tast 1 for me

Question

hello ! Me again, I try to rewrite the test 1, could you please take a look and give me some suggestion!The pie charts compare the proportion of water spent in six regions of the earth for different aimsIt is noticeable that both of North American and Europe use water for industry more than other purposes. While agriculture seen to be the segment that uses the most rate of water in four remaining areasIn North America, the percentage of water used in Industry is almost similar as that in Europe with 48% and 52% respectively. Agriculture makes up 39% of water consumption in North America and 32% in Europe. The smallest rate of water used in these two regions is for domestic that is only around 14%In other regions, agriculture contains the highest percentage of water consumption which the figures accounted are 71%, 84%, 81% and 88% in SA, SEA, AF, and CA respectively. On the other hand, water used for industry in these four areas has the percentage that just standing at 5% being the lowest and 10% being the largest one. Whilst, in SA this is 19% up than the proportion of water used for Domestic in Africa CA and SEA that the average of percentage is 7%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Van nguyen leThe pie charts compare the proportion of water spent in six regions of the earth for different aims

You use words incorrectly.

We do not spend water. We spend money. We spend time.

Here are verbs for water:

We drink water.
We use water for cooking.
We pour water out of a jar.

Water is also a verb:
We ~~water~~ our plants so they will grow.

An "aim" is a goal. It is not good in that sentence.

The pie charts compare the relative amounts of water used in three different economic sectors ( Industry, Agriculture and Domestic use) across six different regions of the world (Europe, North America... - you complete the sentence.

Van nguyen leIt is noticeable that both of North American and Europe use water for industry more than other purposes. While agriculture seen to be the segment that uses the most rate of water in four remaining areas

Rate is incorrect. Rate is a ratio an amount per unit of time/ an amount per unit of currency. Here are some common uses of rate:

Rate of speed: e.g. 50 kilometers per hour.
Rate of population growth: e.g 60,000 new persons per year minus 10,000 fewer persons per year in a population of 1,000,000. = +50,000/1,000,000 per year = 5% per year
Interest rate: $3 added per $100 starting balance per year. = 3/100 = +3% per year
Exchange rate: 24000 Vietnamese Dong per one US dollar.

~~It is noticeable that~~ (This is not good for task 1. Just describe the pictures. Don't put your opinion like "noticeable" "clear", or "evident")

Both of North American and Europe use more (a larger amount of) water for industry ~~more~~ than for other purposes.

An American is a person from America.
American is also an adjective: e.g. an American accent. The American flag. The North American continent.

You have not used it correctly. Here is a good sentence:

Both North Americans and Europeans use more water for industry than for other purposes.

While agriculture seen to be the segment that uses the most rate of water in four remaining areas

Seen is incorrect.

While agriculture seems to be the sector of the economy that uses the most water in the four other areas.

In North America, the percentage of water used in Industry is very similar to that of Europe, 48% and 52% respectively. Agriculture makes up 39% of the water consumption in North America and 32% in Europe. The smallest proportion of water used in these two regions is for domestic use, and that is only around 14%.

In other regions, agriculture contains the highest percentage of water consumption which the figures accounted are 71%, 84%, 81% and 88% in SA, SEA, AF, and CA respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Van nguyen le most rate of water

The rate of water flowing over Niagara Falls is 567,811 liters per second.

The average American family consumes water at a rate of about 1100 liters per week.

Good morning, I am trying to achive the IELTS test, could you please check tast 1 for me

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