Good day! Please revise my letter. Thanks!

Question

Dear Sir,As per the instruction given by the *** Head, In connection with the Daily Report No. 125, page no. 1 dated 12 December  2018.We would like to make a recommendation for KG1  Teacher named ***** with Emp. No. ****, After thoroughly reviewing the cameras that the teacher was found guilty for violating the school policy.Pinched the child’s cheek too hardSlapped the child on his the shoulder. Using high tone voice / Shouting at the child's face*** Head strongly recommend to terminate the above Teacher + Salary deduction.We hope to see an immediate action in this matter.

Shermla · Accepted Answer

1. The abbreviation for "number" has to be the same throughout. American English uses the period (No. or no.) and British English does not (No and no). I corrected to the form no.

2. I am not sure what "salary deduction" means. If the teacher is being terminated, there will be no salary. If what you mean is that the teacher will receive money only for the days worked in the current (final) pay period, the next to last line should read: *** Head strongly recommends terminating the above teacher with a prorated final payment of salary.

3. It is a little confusing that first you say "we would like to make a recommendation" and at the end you say "*** Head strongly recommends." If "we" is a committee of some kind that agrees with the Head, the next to last line could be: *** Head strongly recommends terminating the above teacher with a prorated final payment of salary and we concur.

Dear Sir,

As per the instruction given by the *** Head in connection with the Daily Report no. 125, page no. 1, [comma] dated 12 December 2018, [comma] we would like to make a recommendation for the KG1 Teacher ***** , [comma]Emp. no. ****. [period]

After a thorough review of the camera images, the teacher was found guilty of violating the school policy. Specifically, the teacher

pinched the child’s cheek too hard
slapped the child on ~~his~~ the shoulder [delete period]
used a high tone of voice ~~/ Shouting~~ and shouted into the child's face

*** Head strongly recommends to ~~terminate~~terminating the above Tteacher + Salary deduction. [see #2 above]

We hope to see an immediate action in this matter.

Good day! Please revise my letter. Thanks!

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