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Sick-rose Posted 21 years ago
Give me your comments please!
hi everybody..
I'm so happy to join these forums, they are amazing.
I'm not a native speaker so I need your opinions about this poem..
It is called: The Way You Make Me Feel
Believe me when I say I am blind to see..
anything but the love you have given me..
I tried more than once but could not conceal
the way you make me feel.
It opens a new world, that is so bright
and fills me with warmth in the gloomy night
It brings my heart to life when its blood congeals
the way you make me feel.
It is the light that shows me how to find
all my dreams and hopes that I left behind
It is the way to fall in love for real
the way you make me feel.
If my love for you is always forbidden
for it is the sin that won't be forgiven
I will give you the endless love that reveals
the way you make me feel.
hope you like it..
thank you in advance
see ya
I'm so happy to join these forums, they are amazing.
I'm not a native speaker so I need your opinions about this poem..
It is called: The Way You Make Me Feel
Believe me when I say I am blind to see..
anything but the love you have given me..
I tried more than once but could not conceal
the way you make me feel.
It opens a new world, that is so bright
and fills me with warmth in the gloomy night
It brings my heart to life when its blood congeals
the way you make me feel.
It is the light that shows me how to find
all my dreams and hopes that I left behind
It is the way to fall in love for real
the way you make me feel.
If my love for you is always forbidden
for it is the sin that won't be forgiven
I will give you the endless love that reveals
the way you make me feel.
hope you like it..
thank you in advance
see ya
Top answer
'Sick rose' is a good screen name, Sick-Rose. Did you write this as a lyric? MrP
- 'Sick rose' is a good screen name, Sick-Rose.
- Did you write this as a lyric?
- MrP
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3 Answers
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'Sick rose' is a good screen name, Sick-Rose.
Did you write this as a lyric?
MrP
Did you write this as a lyric?
MrP
00
hi Mr.Pedantic
thank you very much for your reply
i'm so glad coz i was waiting for a single reply for too long!
yes, i wrote it as a lyric .
so what do you think? you didn't mention your opinion..
see you soon
thank you very much for your reply
i'm so glad coz i was waiting for a single reply for too long!
yes, i wrote it as a lyric .
so what do you think? you didn't mention your opinion..
see you soon
00
Hello sick-rose
It certainly has a 'lyric' sound to it ('male at piano singing slow ballad'). There seems to be a tune in the background already.
Verse 2 is I think the weakest: 'congeals' is an odd word to find here. But verses 1 and 3 catch the right tone for a lyric. I think they'd work quite well with music.
Do you have a tune for it?
MrP
It certainly has a 'lyric' sound to it ('male at piano singing slow ballad'). There seems to be a tune in the background already.
Verse 2 is I think the weakest: 'congeals' is an odd word to find here. But verses 1 and 3 catch the right tone for a lyric. I think they'd work quite well with music.
Do you have a tune for it?
MrP
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