give me any advice, please.

0hi 05002br
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00 i'm from south korea.02br
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00 i search for here and come to post this, to have some advice about my writing.02br
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00 it is so difficult to write something in english, because it isn't my mother tongue.02br
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00but, now i have to write short essay for my english composition class.02br
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00what you are going to see below is my first composition in english. main idea is about money.02br
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00(what i want to say is money is so important to us. that's it.) 02br
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00 please give me any advice ( grammar, voca, expression , or anything will be possible, please.)02br
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00 honestly, i don't know how i have to composite my idea. just write..02br
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00 help me please.02br
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00Wisdom for Money02br
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00For a long time, many people have had a tendency to believe that money is 02br
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00the root of all evil. Even people who were rich or in high class didn't like to talk 02br
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00about money. As far as I know, this is because in Bible, money is considered as 02br
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00evil. for example, "The love of money is the root of all evil," and "It is easier for 02br
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00a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than it is for a rich man to enter the 02br
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00Kingdom of God."02br
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00However, can we live without money? can we do anything without money? 02br
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00I guess nobody can answer "yes." Although we often see someone who we think is 02br
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00corrupted by money, I don't think that is not because of money. If we could live 02br
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00without money, it would be best. but it is impossible these days.02br
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00In other words, we have no choice but to live with money. So, What we 02br
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00have to do is not to avoid money but to learn how to use. Not to be hurt by 02br
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00money, we should learn about money.02br
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00First, we need to know how to save it. if we know a little bit about the 02br
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00tax system, we can save much money.02br
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00Second, we need to know how to spend it. if we have a plan about money, 02br
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00we can not waste money.02br
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00As stated above, by learning about using it properly, we can control 02br
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00money. Moreover, money can make us rich and happy. Money is an indispensable 02br
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00thing to us.02br
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00 -------------------------------------------02br
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00thank you for reading010id1