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Pyrene Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Ghost
hi 
thank you for dropping by here..
can you please help me to correct the essay below?
it is my writing and i wish to join a contest soon, hehe
your help is highliy appreciated, thank you ^^
“Sigh, you are undoubtedly over-devout and superstitious! Cease your preposterous action please, my dear friend! ”, I scoffed at James, a nerdy boy, who kept reading the bible.
Indubitably, that time, my mind was really full of a stream of questions, being extremely inquisitive about what we can gain through murmuring some *** words.
“Ling, you can keep yourself from any jeopardy if you do so. Devil? H’m.. For instance, the ghosts”, James was attempting to persuade me so that I would have a reading as well.
“Ghost? Ghoul? Spook? Ha-ha! Very funny! ” I taunted him. Without a doubt, for my book, the presence of ghost was merely the absurd hallucination of the simple-hearted human beings, or so I thought. Saying “goodbye” to him, bending down my body to take my bag, I left there.
Time flies, two months had passed and I would be categorized as an adult very soon. It was my red-letter day, my 17th birthday. Being the apple of the eye of my father, definitely, I knew that my father would give me an Iphone that I had been eyeing for a long time. Yet, being a big fish in his company, my father would not be at home before ten o’clock at night. I, who stayed alone in the house, was having a cup of steaming hot cocoa besides being a couch potato, enjoying the new released movie, The Clash of The Titans.
Out of the blue, the sky flashed with the thin, crooked streaks of light. Soon, it started raining cats and dogs. Needless to say, the torrential downpour gave me no peace. Thus, being neither namby-pamby nor shilly-shally, hastily, I rushed into my room, huddling close together with my lovely teddy bear on the bed. The tick-tock of the archaic clock in my room had an almost hypnotic effect, inducing me to the sleeping mode.
All at once, the pit-a-pat of feet broke the tranquility of the circumstance. With my heart went pitter-patter, I could feel that the ‘feet’ were approaching my room.
“Who is that? Mummy? Isn’t she enjoying her blissful tour at Thailand now? Therefore, who will that be? Why is he or she willing to meet me at such an ungodly hour? In addition, how did he or she enter my home without having a key?” I kept soliloquizing. A gush of suspicions filled my mind profusely.
In a second, I heard someone, like a raging bull, was banging frantically on my door. That moment, I felt that I was an absolute coward as the macabre knocks made my hair stand like a defensive cat’s.
“Who are you?” with my heart fluttering like the wings of a butterfly, I asked. Beyond my expectation, no one was answering to my question. Not giving up, again, I asked, with the identical question.
“Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! ”
The knocks got more frequent and much frenzied! That sent a chill down my spine. To add insult to injury, the chilly night wind kept slicing into my bones. Moreover, I could even feel that I was shaking in my shoes, shivering like a leaf, as being blown by incessant breeze.
No! I need to regain my composure! Repeatedly, I psyched myself to muster some much needed gallantry. Yet, I was still too chicken to bite the bullet.
All of a sudden, a thought hit me like an enormous sledgehammer. There is a saying goes, “Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned”, and if my truculent disciplinary teacher who was as fierce as a tigress did not startle me, I believe nothing could make me cringe. After all, what could the piercing knocks do to petrify me when I can endure the rod and rattan of the ferocious teacher!
Well, abruptly, I felt a surge of bravado cooking inside me. Resolutely, I approached the door, holding my breath, turning the knock with my shuddering hand. Oh no! The sight made my stomach churn! In disbelief, there was no one in my sight! My eyes must be bamboozling me, dallying with me! Nictitating again and again, it was true that no one was there!
That moment, I could feel that my heartbeat skyrocketed to 140 beats per minute! I was trapped in sheer, unadulterated terror and was snowed under with dread! I could not even twitch my toes or make a move owing to my paralyzed body.
Simultaneously, something popped up in my mind. Alas, I hated myself for not following what James had said and for not being a conscientious Christian. Indubitably I would have been armed with a verse or two to keep devils, ghosts, ghouls, apparitions, phantoms or whatever minions from pandemonium at bay if I done so. Tears started welling up in my eyes and blurred my vision. Oh God! Please! Save me from being sent to perdition!
Suddenly, all the lamps went off. Ah, it was extremely terrible that my house was as dark as a dungeon!
“What would be going on next? Would “they” try to set up a conflagration and burst me into ashes? Would “they” glance at me austerely like the colossal orge shown in the spine-tingling movie which I had claimed it as a ***-and-tail, absurd movie last week? Would “they” be the gruesome vampires? Or the apparitions of my foes? ”
Oh god! Question after question appeared in my mind. My heart started to race and was thumping with fright. At that jiffy, I could feel that my nerves were starting to fray and snap, strand by strand.
Before I could say Jack Robinson, to my surprise, hazily, I could hear a few bars of melody drifted towards me. After a few seconds of analysis, my brain had detected that it was a birthday song! Yes, indeed it was! The tune of the birthday song pacified my mind, “softening” my paralysed whole being as well!
“Happy birthday! Surprise?”, with a broad grin, my father shouted.
“Oh please my beloved father, do not behave like a ghoul next time, please!”, again, tears gushing from my eyes, tears of relieve, though.
Without a doubt, it was the most unforgotten day of my life! Now, I’m the other James, bringing a lot of talismans to ensure that the incubus, English ghosts, Nazi ghosts and whatever ghosts will not near me! Furthermore, now, reading bible is my only choice whenever I am free! It is true that seeing is believing, however, now, for my money, experiencing is believing even though I was not facing the “real ghosts”.
thank you for dropping by here..
can you please help me to correct the essay below?
it is my writing and i wish to join a contest soon, hehe
your help is highliy appreciated, thank you ^^
“Sigh, you are undoubtedly over-devout and superstitious! Cease your preposterous action please, my dear friend! ”, I scoffed at James, a nerdy boy, who kept reading the bible.
Indubitably, that time, my mind was really full of a stream of questions, being extremely inquisitive about what we can gain through murmuring some *** words.
“Ling, you can keep yourself from any jeopardy if you do so. Devil? H’m.. For instance, the ghosts”, James was attempting to persuade me so that I would have a reading as well.
“Ghost? Ghoul? Spook? Ha-ha! Very funny! ” I taunted him. Without a doubt, for my book, the presence of ghost was merely the absurd hallucination of the simple-hearted human beings, or so I thought. Saying “goodbye” to him, bending down my body to take my bag, I left there.
Time flies, two months had passed and I would be categorized as an adult very soon. It was my red-letter day, my 17th birthday. Being the apple of the eye of my father, definitely, I knew that my father would give me an Iphone that I had been eyeing for a long time. Yet, being a big fish in his company, my father would not be at home before ten o’clock at night. I, who stayed alone in the house, was having a cup of steaming hot cocoa besides being a couch potato, enjoying the new released movie, The Clash of The Titans.
Out of the blue, the sky flashed with the thin, crooked streaks of light. Soon, it started raining cats and dogs. Needless to say, the torrential downpour gave me no peace. Thus, being neither namby-pamby nor shilly-shally, hastily, I rushed into my room, huddling close together with my lovely teddy bear on the bed. The tick-tock of the archaic clock in my room had an almost hypnotic effect, inducing me to the sleeping mode.
All at once, the pit-a-pat of feet broke the tranquility of the circumstance. With my heart went pitter-patter, I could feel that the ‘feet’ were approaching my room.
“Who is that? Mummy? Isn’t she enjoying her blissful tour at Thailand now? Therefore, who will that be? Why is he or she willing to meet me at such an ungodly hour? In addition, how did he or she enter my home without having a key?” I kept soliloquizing. A gush of suspicions filled my mind profusely.
In a second, I heard someone, like a raging bull, was banging frantically on my door. That moment, I felt that I was an absolute coward as the macabre knocks made my hair stand like a defensive cat’s.
“Who are you?” with my heart fluttering like the wings of a butterfly, I asked. Beyond my expectation, no one was answering to my question. Not giving up, again, I asked, with the identical question.
“Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! ”
The knocks got more frequent and much frenzied! That sent a chill down my spine. To add insult to injury, the chilly night wind kept slicing into my bones. Moreover, I could even feel that I was shaking in my shoes, shivering like a leaf, as being blown by incessant breeze.
No! I need to regain my composure! Repeatedly, I psyched myself to muster some much needed gallantry. Yet, I was still too chicken to bite the bullet.
All of a sudden, a thought hit me like an enormous sledgehammer. There is a saying goes, “Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned”, and if my truculent disciplinary teacher who was as fierce as a tigress did not startle me, I believe nothing could make me cringe. After all, what could the piercing knocks do to petrify me when I can endure the rod and rattan of the ferocious teacher!
Well, abruptly, I felt a surge of bravado cooking inside me. Resolutely, I approached the door, holding my breath, turning the knock with my shuddering hand. Oh no! The sight made my stomach churn! In disbelief, there was no one in my sight! My eyes must be bamboozling me, dallying with me! Nictitating again and again, it was true that no one was there!
That moment, I could feel that my heartbeat skyrocketed to 140 beats per minute! I was trapped in sheer, unadulterated terror and was snowed under with dread! I could not even twitch my toes or make a move owing to my paralyzed body.
Simultaneously, something popped up in my mind. Alas, I hated myself for not following what James had said and for not being a conscientious Christian. Indubitably I would have been armed with a verse or two to keep devils, ghosts, ghouls, apparitions, phantoms or whatever minions from pandemonium at bay if I done so. Tears started welling up in my eyes and blurred my vision. Oh God! Please! Save me from being sent to perdition!
Suddenly, all the lamps went off. Ah, it was extremely terrible that my house was as dark as a dungeon!
“What would be going on next? Would “they” try to set up a conflagration and burst me into ashes? Would “they” glance at me austerely like the colossal orge shown in the spine-tingling movie which I had claimed it as a ***-and-tail, absurd movie last week? Would “they” be the gruesome vampires? Or the apparitions of my foes? ”
Oh god! Question after question appeared in my mind. My heart started to race and was thumping with fright. At that jiffy, I could feel that my nerves were starting to fray and snap, strand by strand.
Before I could say Jack Robinson, to my surprise, hazily, I could hear a few bars of melody drifted towards me. After a few seconds of analysis, my brain had detected that it was a birthday song! Yes, indeed it was! The tune of the birthday song pacified my mind, “softening” my paralysed whole being as well!
“Happy birthday! Surprise?”, with a broad grin, my father shouted.
“Oh please my beloved father, do not behave like a ghoul next time, please!”, again, tears gushing from my eyes, tears of relieve, though.
Without a doubt, it was the most unforgotten day of my life! Now, I’m the other James, bringing a lot of talismans to ensure that the incubus, English ghosts, Nazi ghosts and whatever ghosts will not near me! Furthermore, now, reading bible is my only choice whenever I am free! It is true that seeing is believing, however, now, for my money, experiencing is believing even though I was not facing the “real ghosts”.
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