Gently request to check my statement of purpose

This is the rule "In an essay of up to 200 words, describe your plan of study and/ or research you propose to pursue and relate this to your future career plan. (You may include additional relevant material for which there was insufficient space on this form)"
Here's my statement of purpose and my proposed future career essays, i'll be more than happy and so grateful if you checked them for me grammatically and gave me your over all idea about them ,also my statement of purpose is 444 words , is that okay ??? and what are the additional materials that can be included. thanks in advance

Statement of purpose :
It took me twenty years to become who I am today. Now I am known as an independent, open-minded, and friendly girl who has lot of goals which need to be achieved. I am eager to learn new things and I am good persistent with schoolwork since I consider myself a diligent person.

Two years ago I graduated from high school. I was full of excitement and ambition to start my university studies, and since it will be my first year of education in my home country (Sudan), I was even more excited. My desire was to study medicine, so I studied hard and got good results which qualified me to enter medical school in Sudan. I gained admission but unfortunately I couldn't start studying there immediately, due to circumstances beyond my control. Precisely, the area responsible for residency and foreign affairs refused to complete my travel procedure, and that due to unknown reasons I was completely not part of them.

One year later I applied to the local university where I live –University of Tabuk – KSA–. I started studying the preparatory year where my main goal was to achieve my ambition. In this year I studied the following subjects: Biology, Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry, English and Computer Science, all in English. I finished with a score of 4.91 out of 5.00. It was an excellent score which qualified for the university's respected majors, including those in the medical field. Sadly, there were restrictions on foreign students, so I was unable to select a major in medicine.

I still hope and believe that someday I’ll achieve my aim. I believe that during the aforementioned period I gained a lot of knowledge and experience. Taking the preparatory year added a lot to my experience and now I know what college life is like. In addition to what I learned in this year, since the subjects were in English, my English level improved greatly. As evidence of this, I scored 100/100 in Level 2 of the English course. I think now I’m more prepared than ever to start my undergraduate study, and I hope this scholarship will give me that opportunity. The scholarship will also give me the chance to experience a totally different environment, where communication will be in English. That will improve my English speaking skills a lot. Also I’m sure living in a whole different country can make me more independent, help me gain insight from cultural differences and expand my networking.

I know that the way to my goals is full of challenges and difficulties, but all that will urge and encourage me to continue and persevere.

Proposed future career :
In the future I would like to be a Doctor, it’s been my dream job since I was a kid, also my parents wish to see me as a Doctor and I would love to make their wish true one day.
I have always thought that Medicine is a very honorable profession, since it seeks to help those who need it the most. Human body always caught my interest, in school I always loved the biology class, I think this makes it the perfect job for me.
I hope someday I can give the hand of help to who needs it and maybe help find a cure for some serious diseases and serve my community.