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Guest Posted 21 years ago
Grammar

French girl needs help

could you correct this extract of my essay please ?
it's about the film "cry freedom"

Similarly, two other things, moved me:
First, the character of biko: I admire a lot his courage and his determination and I think it’s a pity that he is so little known in France (especially the young people) and that his name doesn’t even figure in the dictionary!
Now I know him, I find that he was a great man and I experience for him a major respect.
I think actually that it’s very brave to fight for his country against an entire government until his death. Besides, his death affected me a great deal. I was very sad and disappointed.
On the one hand, I was scandalized by the prison warders’ behaviour (biko had been manhandled), but on the other hand I was very moved by the black community’s gathering during his funeral.
It was touching to see a whole community close-knit around a man.
I still have, in my head, the image of the coffin passing through the crowd, touched by all the hands situated nearby. It was really disconcerting…

thank you !!
  

Top answer

Similarly, two other things moved me: first, the character of Biko: I admire his courage and determination, and I think it is a pity that he is so little known in France (especially by young people) and that his name does not even figure in the encyclopedia. Now that I know him, I find that he was a great man and I hold for him great respect. I think that it was very brave of Biko to fight for his country against an entire government until his death.

  • Similarly, two other things moved me: first, the character of Biko: I admire his courage and determination, and I think it is a pity that he is so little known in France (especially by young people) and that his name does not even figure in the encyclopedia.
  • Now that I know him, I find that he was a great man and I hold for him great respect.
  • I think that it was very brave of Biko to fight for his country against an entire government until his death.
  • His death affected me a great deal; I was very sad and disappointed.
  • On the one hand, I was scandalized by the prison warders’ behaviour (Biko had been ill-treated), and on the other hand, I was very moved by the black community’s gathering during his funeral.
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1 Answers
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Similarly, two other things moved me: first, the character of Biko: I admire his courage and determination, and I think it is a pity that he is so little known in France (especially by young people) and that his name does not even figure in the encyclopedia. Now that I know him, I find that he was a great man and I hold for him great respect. I think that it was very brave of Biko to fight for

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