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BAYRAM ERDEM Posted 11 years ago
Letter Writing
Freedom
Hello!
Could you please check the paragraph below? How would you rewrite it in a more natural way?
There can't be freedom when we are in a mental trap...Once we start valuing humans, us, who breath, smell, touch and feel...more than matter...We'll have freedom.
Could you please check the paragraph below? How would you rewrite it in a more natural way?
There can't be freedom when we are in a mental trap...Once we start valuing humans, us, who breath, smell, touch and feel...more than matter...We'll have freedom.
Top answer
It is too vague. What is the trap? Why do you need to mention the human sensations (particularly 'smell')?
- It is too vague.
- What is the trap?
- Why do you need to mention the human sensations (particularly 'smell')?
- What does 'matter' mean here?
- And why did you use ellipses?
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1 Answers
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It is too vague. What is the trap? Why do you need to mention the human sensations (particularly 'smell')? What does 'matter' mean here? And why did you use ellipses?
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