Format question: movie within movie

Question

I'm writing a script in which characters go to a movie theater. The movie that plays onscreen is original (i.e., would have to be shot) and contains some of the characters. How should I format the movie-within-the-movie? Sluglines that end with something like ONSCREEN? Just saying "On the screen they see..." seems inadequate, since the onscreen movie would have to itself be shot if my script were ever produced.

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]I'm writing a script in which characters go to a movie theater. The movie that plays onscreen is original (i.e., ... they see..." seems inadequate, since the onscreen movie would have to itself be shot if my script were ever produced.[/nq]
If it's material that has to be shot, I agree with you. Here's the way I did it once:

INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
Carrying a box of popcorn, Alice comes down the aisle of the dark, near-empty theater, and settles into a seat. The film is already in progress.
ON THE SCREEN - EXT. DESERTED STREET - DAY
It's a street we've seen before, but it's hard to place at first because it's such a mess. Paper and trash is collecting against a chain link fence. The street is full of potholes, with weeds growing up through cracks in the pavement.
IN THE AUDITORIUM
Alice looks around at the other patrons. Sitting not too far away, but paying no attention to her are Kristen, Joey, Kincaid, Zoe, and Rick.
Alice turns and looks back at the movie.
ON THE SCREEN - EXT. DINER - DAY
Across the deserted street is "The Crave Inn" of the future.

The outside of the diner has fallen into total disrepair. Faded graffiti stains many of the bricks. The awning is torn and frayed, and the woodwork is in desperate need of repair. Half of the front window has been boarded over with plywood.
Just then, lights go on inside, and the doors swing open. Wind begins to blow tumbleweeds and paper across the street and into the diner.
IN THE AUDITORIUM
Suddenly, much to Alice's surprise, her box of popcorn is yanked out of her hand by some invisible force. It goes flying out across the auditorium, as if it's being sucked into the movie.

A moment later, the force starts tugging at Alice. She's jerked out of her seat, and just barely catches a hold of the chair back in front of her.
Alice dangles sideways, her feet extended toward the screen. She holds on with all her might, and as she looks back over her shoulder, her shoe is pulled off, and flies across the auditorium.

ON THE SCREEN
The shoe hits the screen, and pops through with a bright flash of light. It rolls into the Crave Inn.
IN THE AUDITORIUM
Alice's fingers finally lose their grip, and she goes sailing directly over the heads of her dead friends, flying helplessly toward the screen.
ON THE SCREEN - INT. DINER - DAY
Alice passes right through the screen and tumbles across the floor of the diner.
She looks back. There is a translucent screen just a few feet behind her. Beyond it, an AUDIENCE is sitting in the theater, watching the movie.
She goes up to this barrier that separates the movie from the viewers, and stares out into the theater.
INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT - ALICE'S POV
She sees the kids watching her, and she sees herself asleep in her seat.

Ken

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I'm writing a script in which characters go to a movie theater. The movie that plays onscreen is original (i.e., ... they see..." seems inadequate, since the onscreen movie would have to itself be shot if my script were ever produced.[/nq]
Don't think you need to.
This for example is from the actual shooting script used by the Donnie Darko cast and crew:
EXT. BYRD THEATRE - MAGIC HOUR (5:30 P.M.)
The old-fashioned theatre marquee reads:
HALLOWEEN FRIGHTMARE
THE EVIL DEAD / THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Donnie and Gretchen approach the box office.
DONNIE
Two for "Evil Dead", please.
INT. BYRD THEATRE - NEXT
Donnie and Gretchen sit in the middle of the huge, empty theatre.

"The Evil Dead" unfolds. They eat popcorn and watch silently. Donnie looks over and sees that Gretchen is asleep.

Donnie turns back to the movie... beginning to look ill.

FRANK
Feeling sick?
Donnie turns his head over and looks across Gretchen. Frank is sitting next to her.
FRANK (cont'd)
I want to show you something.
DONNIE
You have to do something for me first.
FRANK
You have a request?
DONNIE
Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that
stupid bunny suit.
FRANK
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
DONNIE
Take it off. I want to see you.
After a moment, Frank slowly reaches up and removes the rabbit headpiece.
Donnie's eyes widen.
Underneath the headpiece is the human face of a handsome young man. His left eye does not exist, because it has imploded into the socket. There is blood oozing from the wound.
FRANK
Satisfied?
Donnie just stares at him.
DONNIE
What happened to your eye?
FRANK
I am so sorry.
DONNIE
Why do they call you Frank?
FRANK
It is the name of my father... and his
father before me.
DONNIE
How much longer is this gonna last?
FRANK
You should already know that.
(beat)
Watch the movie, Donnie. I have something
to show you.
Donnie looks at the screen.
On the screen, "The Evil Dead" morphs into a Time Portal.

FRANK (cont'd)
There's a storm coming.
(beat)
Have you ever seen a Portal, Donnie?
Suddenly... the screen morphs into an image of a large Tudor house.
FRANK (cont'd)
Burn it to the ground.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]I'm writing a script in which characters go to a ... to itself be shot if my script were ever produced.[/nq]
[nq:1]Don't think you need to. This for example is from the actual shooting script used by the Donnie Darko cast and crew:[/nq]
Ultimately, either way works if it gives a clear idea of what will finally be seen on screen. (In the finished movie, that is.) The example I gave (from NOES4) involved pretty complex use of the "film within a film" bit, so it had to be broken down in reasonable detail. But so long as the reader can easily picture what's going on, how it's handled is really just a matter of personal taste.

The only absolute rule when writing a screenplay is to make sure it's a great read.
Ken

Format question: movie within movie

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