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Are both report-openers punctuated correctly? Which version is preferred, the first or the second? And in the second version, does the comma come after the second parenthesis [that is, ... Gary Tripoli (marketing director Franklin Corporation), ...]?

Version 1

On Thursday, 29 July 2009 at 2.50 pm, Lois Smith, human resources director, Franklin Corporation, sent me, Gary Tripoli, marketing director, Franklin Corporation, an email that stated she was resigning from the firm forthwith.

Version 2

On Thursday, 29 July 2009 at 2.50 pm, Lois Smith (human resources director, Franklin Corporation) sent me, Gary Tripoli (marketing director, Franklin Corporation), an email that stated she was resigning from the firm forthwith.

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Philip · Accepted Answer

victo And in the second version, does the comma come after the second parenthesis [that is, ... Gary Tripoli (marketing director Franklin Corporation), ...]?

Yes. The general rule is "if a phrase has a comma before it, it should have a comma after it". I don't always follow this rule for the simple reason that it can look odd or have the appearance of a war-of-the-commas. In the sentence She has lived in Washington, D.C. for nearly thirty years, a comma should be used after D.C. I think it is obvious why I would avoid that comma.
Now, if you are concerned about the number and appropriateness of commas in your rather involved sentence, I would suggest that you replace the commas after director with the word of. Your sentences are correct.

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