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Benita Posted 21 years ago

For the brave

0 For the great martyrs of our land, 02br
00We ode a tribute with our hearts. 02br
00Lives they lay down without even living, 02br
00They know of nothing but sacrifice & giving. 02br
00Their beloved wives live a funeral each day 02br
00“Keep them safe dear Lord!” they pray. 02br
00Knowing that someday their brave heroes will go, 02br
00To that land which has no sorrows, no woes 02br
00Bravely they face their unknown destiny, 02br
00Nurturing hope & fearing the morrow 02br
00Gracefully they win the title of war widows. 0-
  

Top answer

0Aside from 'ode' being a noun rather than a verb, it is not the sort of thing tributes are made of-- perhaps you are thinking of 'eulogy', and the verb is 'eulogize'. 02br 02br 00Is this about soldiers or their widows? I think you should decide, as the piece seems unfocused as it is.

— Mister Micawber

  • 0Aside from 'ode' being a noun rather than a verb, it is not the sort of thing tributes are made of-- perhaps you are thinking of 'eulogy', and the verb is 'eulogize'.
  • 02br 02br 00Is this about soldiers or their widows?
  • I think you should decide, as the piece seems unfocused as it is.
  • 02br 02br 00Dump the ampersands-- they are not appropriate to such a formal piece.
  • 0-
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10 Answers
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0Aside from 'ode' being a noun rather than a verb, it is not the sort of thing tributes are made of-- perhaps you are thinking of 'eulogy', and the verb is 'eulogize'. 02br
02br
00Is this about soldiers or their widows? I think you should decide, as the piece seems unfocused as it is. 02br
02br
00Dump the ampersands-- they are not appropriate to such a fo
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0 Oops! Sorry for using the word 'ode' as verb. Do you suggest I replace it by the word eulogize (or would it be eulogise)? 02br
02br
00Though I had intended to focus on both the soldiers and their widows, it has turned out to be a poem without a clear meaning. Maybe I should have elaborated and detailed the poem a little more - would have made more sense I guess! 02
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0The 'edit' button should be directly below your post, if you have logged on. Actually, however, it is more interesting if you leave the original and post a revised copy-- that way, you and I and everyone can watch your work evolve. 02br
02br
00I'd say that it is better for a poem to be focussed. Even The Divine Comedy has only three parts. 02br
02br
00F
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0 Thanks Mister Micawber! 02br
02br
00Could you please comment on the punctuation marks that I have used? I always feel that they seem inappropriate. Would also appreciate if you could suggest apt usage of puncutuation marks in poems. 0-
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0You punctuated but did not fix 'ode' or the ampersands, is that it, Benita? The rule is simple: punctuate poetry as you would prose: 02br
02br
00For the great martyrs of our land, 02br
00we ode a tribute with our hearts. 02br
00Lives they lay down without even living; 02br
00they know of nothing but sacrifice & giving. 02br
00
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0 For the great martyrs of our land, 02br
00we sing a tribute with our hearts. 02br
00Lives they lay down without even living; 02br
00they know of nothing but sacrifice and giving. 02br
00Their beloved wives live a funeral each day-- 02br
00“Keep them safe, dear Lord!” they pray. 02br
00Knowing that someday their brave
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0
0Here's a few ideas, with various meanings-- you might choose among these or employ a good thesaurus: 02br
02br
00pay 02br
00keen 02br
00strike 02br
00give 02br
00voice 02br
00prove 02br
00lay 02br
00bear 0-
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0 Hello Benita 02br
02br
00Did you mean 'we owe a tribute'? 02br
02br
00MrP 0-
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0 Just a couple more small comments: 02br
02br
00I wonder whether the concluding lines are quite right. 'On the morrow' is quite an old-fashioned-sounding phrase; whereas 'they win the title of war widows' is more newspapery. 02br
02br
00Also, the morrow/widow rhyme sounds oddly, after the preceding fuller rhymes. 02br
02br
00MrP 0-
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0 Thanks for your comments MrP! Please give me some suggestions for the concluding lines. 02br
02br
00Also 'owe' seems apt instead of 'ode'. 0-
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