For my ciritcial writing essay on obsceni, can someone review and give any grammar mistakes I might have missed, or direct me in how to better this essay? Thanks

Watered down soap trickles down the crevices of Paris Hilton's breast, meanwhile the moans and cries come from her lips as she caresses her body and the car beneath her. These are the visuals that a viewer from the early 1990s would agree would come from a typical soft-core pornographic scene or an advertisement for a fragrance on late night commercials. However, contrary to the examples above these characteristics were shown in a commercial advertising a new burger from Carl's Jr., the Spicy BBQ Burger. Although some would admit this type of marketing scheme has become more of a norm in today's society. While on the other hand, others would disagree and claim that it conveys a sense of obscenity. If these scenes were shown in a commercial for an adult product, or even a fragrance on late night television the issue of obscenity would be slightly diminished. Furthermore to insult to injury, the main product was not shown until after half of the advertisement has been played. Therefore the ad relies on a celebrity wearing risqué clothing performing sexual innuendos to grab the viewer's attention. The advertisement delivers a strong sense of obscenity for the general public, and especially for the minors.
There are several techniques that fast food companies use to advertise their product, however out of the techniques available sexual appeal is the most obscene.. Humor, taste sensory, and sexual appeal are just some of the methods that a fast food company may come about when advertising. However, sexual appeal is the main ingredient that would outweigh the other two methods. An average child laughs and eats, but where does Paris Hilton in a one piece bathing suit appear in this equation? It doesn't. Children should not be introduced to these visuals early in their age, because the consequences of these actions are unknown, if not harmful. Children and as well as Adults do not need ten different angles of Paris Hilton to decide whether or not they want a burger from Carl's Jr.. Therefore, subliminally this ad promotes other ideas rather than a burger alone. The act of including a woman partially naked in a public commercial has no place in today's society more so when the commercial deals with food, rather than sex.
Rather than providing a comedy sketch about the burger, or express how mouthwatering it may be, the advertisement contains images of cleavage to promote their product, and in hand leaves viewers to feel offended. In a religious perspective, adultery is considered immoral; therefore an ad that promotes a woman to wear practically no clothing and have water drenched upon them on public television would induce young women across America to believe this act is a norm. In addition, there is no relevance between the burger and a woman "cleaning" a car, therefore there is no just reason for the two concepts being in the same ad, and this is why the ad harnesses such obscenity that it negatively affects the general population as a whole.
Furthermore, the ratio of Paris Hilton to Spicy BBQ Burger is quite unproportional, therefore the question "What is Carl's Jr. is trying to sell"" comes to mind. Thirty six seconds of the one minute ad contains Paris Hilton, a water hose, a car, and a skimpy one piece bathing suit. These "objects" when combined all points towards obscenity. More than half of the commercial had little to any relevance to the commercial therefore it is also obscene in a since to the poor. The reason being is that there are countless homeless, poor, and starving people in the world, and to "waste" thousands of dollars on a celebrity prancing around a car is offensive to say the least. A poor family in Zimbabwe is worried about when their next meal will come, while on the other side of the world Paris Hilton shakes her body for a one minute ad and instantly makes more money than the family would make in a lifetime, obscene is it not?
In cultures, such as Muslim, it would portray this commercial as very obscene due to the lack of clothing. It is commonly known that the women in Muslim culture show very little skin if not any in public. So to have Paris Hilton caressing herself in a one minute segment would infuriate the Muslim minority. Furthermore, the actions portrayed in this commercial sends a wrong message. The message being women are objects. Womanist across America would be greatly offended by this commercial as it promotes the use of Women being emotionless objects, and another tool being manipulated to aid a company forth in raising their stocks and creating revenue based on objectifying women. By pushing forth this message it leaves the minors of this generation with an incorrect mindset and therefore results in a worse outcome then a poorly constructed advertisement. Furthermore, a loving father of a daughter would consider this commercial obscene, because it allows other men to believe that women it would be okay to treat his daughter in this manner.
Although this commercial had a somewhat effective outlook on the general male population, the side effects of it created more harm than good. The advertisement harnesses such obscenity because it contains images that would damage the growing youth in the world, the promotion of adultery, undermining the poor, and damaged the general public's view on women. The images being depicted in this advertisement do not belong on a public broadcasting. These sexual depictions belong on late night television or on cable.The goal of Carl's Jr.'s advertisement was to promote a product using a celebrity and sexual appeal, but in hand left some viewers in the world confused, shocked, amused, and offended.