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Matt Renfer Posted 17 years ago
Grammar
Fix this Sentence: Part 1
I know there is a better way to say the following sentence. What are your suggestions?
Here is the information leading up to it:
"It is an extremely challenging time in history to study microbes."
And here's the sentence:
"Emerging and re-emerging diseases that are a threat to worldwide public health, contamination of food and water supplies, multi-drug resistant microbes, bioterrorism, global warming, production of renewable energy from microbes, the use of bioremediation to correct environmental problems(4-8) and the need to make decisions about spending tax dollars for government funded technologies are but a few important reasons to study microbiology."
I was thinking of beginning it with this:
"A few important reasons to study microbiology are: emerging and re-emerging diseases that are a threat to worldwide public health, contamination of food and water supplies...etc."
Does this work, or is there an even better way to say it?
Here is the information leading up to it:
"It is an extremely challenging time in history to study microbes."
And here's the sentence:
"Emerging and re-emerging diseases that are a threat to worldwide public health, contamination of food and water supplies, multi-drug resistant microbes, bioterrorism, global warming, production of renewable energy from microbes, the use of bioremediation to correct environmental problems(4-8) and the need to make decisions about spending tax dollars for government funded technologies are but a few important reasons to study microbiology."
I was thinking of beginning it with this:
"A few important reasons to study microbiology are: emerging and re-emerging diseases that are a threat to worldwide public health, contamination of food and water supplies...etc."
Does this work, or is there an even better way to say it?
Top answer
The main problems are that 'a threat to worldwide public health' subsumes some of the other points listed, that the concepts are not presented in parallel, and that the sentence is far too long for any reader's patience anyway.
- The main problems are that 'a threat to worldwide public health' subsumes some of the other points listed, that the concepts are not presented in parallel, and that the sentence is far too long for any reader's patience anyway.
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1 Answers
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The main problems are that 'a threat to worldwide public health' subsumes some of the other points listed, that the concepts are not presented in parallel, and that the sentence is far too long for any reader's patience anyway.
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