First try in writing essay what do you think

i would like to give me your opinion on this essay that is answering the following questions:

"Please write a clear and detailed description of your academic objectives and the reasons why you wish to pursue them. Discuss your goals both in terms of your field of study in general and within your specific area of specialization. Describe the type of program you wish to pursue and how it relates to your academic and professional background and your objectives for the future. Please keep in mind that the essay will be an essential part of your application for placement into an appropriate program. In your essay do not name specific universities at which you would like to study."

it is a draft (first try) so please help me and tell me and advice me:


Since I was young, I used to learn by exploring and experiencing things, especially in computer. Because I always have the ability of analyzing and made deep thinking and that what make me productive and creative in computer related science.

As a result my family, my friends and my teachers encouraged me to pick up one of the computer studies and since I find myself in such studies, I chose to study (Information Technology) which deals with information transmission, storing and processing methods. This field is one of the most important fields in the world – if it is not the base of the improvement that we have today.

What I liked most during my study is the steam of (Data Base). So, I decided to carry on my master degree in this aspect. I started this interest in my graduation project when I had chosen one of the streams of (Data Mining) which was analyzing the market basket. The aim of this analyzing was to know the pattern of customer’s buying. This pattern is useful to know the relationship between goods. This leads to customers satisfaction when they can find everything they need organized near each other.

I liked this topic and I wish I can add something new in this field which is being improved day by day. My ambition is to do many researches that talk about such topics in my country by using the abilities and the motivation of our students and encouraging them to search.

I believe this scholarship is a good opportunity to give me so much such as , the ability of good planning , organizing thoughts in productive way, solving problems, improving my abilities in researching process and independent studies.

This major has a basic relationship with my job. That’s because work in these days in general and mine depend on making decisions rapidly and accurately and this needs what supports it by intelligent systems which helps in making decisions.(Data Mining) and (Decision Support System)- depending on the intelligent techniques of artificial intelligent – present the hidden information through huge amount of data. I believe that the organizations and the institutions need such studies these days.

Finally, I am sure when I get my master degree, I will improve mu abilities and skills in research process, scientific knowledge and it will develop culture exchange especially America has a variety of society nature.