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Anita_a Posted 20 years ago

First Impression

The rim of her white dress
brushed my hand
as I was sitting down,
and my heart
refused to listen
to any sermons of goodness.
I gently tugged
at her sleeve
to draw her attention
to my face and eyes,
gleaming like neon.
She turned with a tweak
to let loose of her sleeve
and stared at me
with annoyance in her eyes
which slowly made way
to a lucid smile.

Another day of sunshine.
  

Top answer

Beautiful! Anita-a, I hope you've not forgotten your reader, humbly, the Sweet Desert. I like the happy end.

  • Beautiful!
  • Anita-a, I hope you've not forgotten your reader, humbly, the Sweet Desert.
  • I like the happy end.
  • Girl, really how did you manage to turn the almost-stern atmosphere into something lively and cheerful; the smile at the end is just dazzling.
  • I thank you a lot for sharing this poem
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2 Answers
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Beautiful! Anita-a, I hope you've not forgotten your reader, humbly, the Sweet Desert.Emotion: embarrassed..............
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Nice effort!

Just one comment: I'd leave out the "my heart refused to listen" bit.
Anita_aThe rim of her white dress
brushed my hand
as I was sitting down,
and my heart
refused to listen
to any sermons of goodness.
I gently tugged
at her sleeve
to draw her attention
to my face and eyes,
gleaming like neon.
She turned

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