first draft if you can help me spice it up or add anything need help

Heres the first draft if you can help me spice it up or add anything or just help me make sure all my commas and periods are there and no run ons or anything or b verbsi would appreciate it thank you


Helpful Peer Pressure
The morning of June 8th 2003 brought excitement, joy, and happiness to my first day as 11 year old. Finally I was able to go to cedar point for only the second time but to me it felt like the first time, amusement parks fascinate me. These beastly machines are usually made of steel or wood, can go as fast as 120 miles per hour, and reach the height of 420 feet. As the thoughts of excitement rushed through my young mind I ran to my room to start getting ready for the thrill. Thoughts came to me as I packed for the day why average people like me would trade the tranquility of the ground to be high up in the air, being tossed around with such brutality and roughness, like vegetables in a food mixer. Even still I decided that I was going back to face these beastly machines. As my friends Jonathan and Cody arrived I decided to make a deal with them. “ First one to wimp out on one of the rides gets called a ride wimp at school” as I bluntly yelled we all agreed on the terms and away we went, Little did I know that my confidence would cost me a big lesson.
The brightness of the sun hitting Lake Erie gave us confidence there will be no rain delays and that all rides are on go for the day. Excitement swelled up in us as we make a game plan on which rollercoaster to take down first. I started describing the coasters as if I owned and designed these beasts myself. I specifically told them about the steel roller coaster called, Raptor a force to be reckoned with having several loops, this monster would give me the sensation of being spun around like rotating car wheels. The wooden roller coasters Magnum, and Mean streak are also very fun because they sway much more than the steel ones causing a jump in your step after you get off one of them. I could tell the pressure in my friends eyes as I tell them of the loops, twists, and possible flips these monster roller coasters boast. I knew that I would win this roller coaster war.
The game plan was set, as we enter the two large gates holding back the world’s greatest amusement park. Catching my eyes was a great mammoth sight of blue never before beheld by my eyes. Rushing to the nearest service desk asking what the name of the new ride was and where on earth did it come from. The man said “oh that’s the Millennium Force haven’t you seen that before he replied”? I answered “no it has taken me completely by surprise” He said it gives him and his fellow workers that no gut feeling when you’re barreling down the track at 93 miles per hour, taking heart stopping turns and completing death-defying drops. Your heart is in your throat and your stomach is somewhere near your feet. The only thing separating you from total disaster is a safety harness...but are you really in danger? As he tells me this reality sets in that I might lose the deal and be called a wimp if I cannot handle this monster of a coaster. Tides seemed to have shifted as I hear Jonathan, and Cody boast about how they cannot wait to get on the new coaster. I could not wait to pass it by. Minimizing the fear and maximizing the fun was the only thing I could process in my mind as we take on one roller coaster after another each ride feeling merely like a shadow of the Millennium Force with its 300 Ft. drop. It feels like I can actually feel the force coming off the Millennium Force as we approach it. My friends begin to entice me to go just like I figured they would. They pressured me in and I could not help but think as I cross the first line if this was a bad choice.
It all starts here At the back of the line of the millennium force. Hundreds of people are jamming the line moving a few feet every few minutes. But every little inch is more pressure added. Every little inch gets you closer to the fear that I’ve been avoiding all day the metal contraption that ill risk my life on, or so it seemed. To the left I see a sign that reads, “You must be at least 48 inches to ride.” And up ahead, there is a stand with overpriced drinks. It is a steaming hot day, way above 80 degrees. Every other person is buying a drinks waiting on the ride not afraid, but drinking is far from my mind. I get closer and closer, the intimidating coaster stares me down. I see the 300 feet beast painted deep blue and grey. Even from a distance I can hear the screams of the victims of this mighty coaster.
After about 1 ½ of fearfully waiting, me and my friends reached a point where the line breaks down into two. We either go right, or go straight. A pick-your-poison type of situation, but in my case, an employee will pick it for us. My friend said we are almost there. As we get close enough to see the people taking their seats. My heart rate rose slowly, but surely. As a sense of fear kicks in the closer and closer, we got the more I think to myself, “why am I doing this again?” But I don’t know why. All I know is that I need to get on this enormous contraption. After about 2 hours of waiting, it’s finally my turn. The gates open to allow you to board the empty seat. The seat is almost reclined with yellow colored leg braces that close in on me setting a. me and my friends climb in, secure our restraints, and buckle are belts. The seats lock. There’s no turning back now.
A voice speaks catching my attention, “Keep your hands and arms inside the Coaster at all times. “Before any of us on the coaster can even think of what she says off we go! Up the first hill the nerve wrecking climb is less than a minute but it feels like hours. Looking over to right I can see boats docking into castaway bay and to my left I can see the park and all of those who will witness me die if we crash. 150 Ft., 200ft, 250 Ft., You are so high up, you feel the air start to become dry and thin. You feel as if you’re on top of the world. I can see for miles. Fear sets in as the coaster suddenly stops. I hold on to your harness and just look up trying to forget the fact that I’m now 300 feet in the air. All of a sudden, a rush of adrenaline kicks in and my eyes drop upon what is now a dead drop and I’m going down head first. As soon as my eyes are open I realize we are all still alive but have no time to rejoice because another drop is approaching on the second hill. The G forces are so strong, on my body that I’m unable to move. The seats feel as if they are crushing my sides as the coaster whiplashes around. I lose all sense of direction and don’t know which way is up. At 90 M.P.H. every little bit of dirt fly’s my face and gets in my eyes.
Thinking to myself the whole time almost over hold on until suddenly Cody grabs me by the arm and says It’s almost over man enjoy it. Pressure seemed to have left me like fizz leaving a pop can, after it was tossed around. I loosed my grip, swallowed deep, and opened my eyes seeing enjoying the last minute of the ride, wishing I would have enjoyed all of it. I headed off the coaster stiff legged but relived not only from the pressure of having to face it but also from overcoming that pressure. I turned to both of my friends and told them how much it meant to have them push me to ride that it not only built my mental strength but also made me feel like I killed a giant in my life that was keeping me from one of the best rides at cedar point. I ran toward the front gate of the coaster and got back in line hoping I could ride it one last time.