Few questions after i have revised the fundraising letter.

Thank you for the people who have read my fundraising letter, and I did some revisions after I look at people's comments.

However, I still have few questions want to ask regarding to my letter.

Old version:



Question.1 Do you think that the intro sentence, "Congratulations! This is YOUR LUCKY DAY" seems littlebit unserious? making you think of a junk mail??? If you think yes, any suggestion on how to start?

Question.2 Do you think my subject line is okay? "Thanksgiving Dinner Fundraising" It seems too plain. If you have any suggestion, please few free to write back.

Question.3 Please read my fundraising letter again. If you have any specific part that seems unclear, let me know.

New Version:

Subject: Thanksgiving Dinner Fundraising.

Congratulations! This is YOUR LUCKY DAY because you are being given the opportunity to save a good sum of money on your tax bill while at the same time helping some people who are in very serious need of your help.

Keeping to tradition, Buckeye Bread Basket, a nonprofit organization, would like to assist our community this year by hosting its Annual Thanksgiving Day dinner for the needy people, providing a free thanksgiving meal to them. More than 400 people are expected to attend the dinner, both families with children, and single member families.

However, today's tough economic conditions make it difficult for Buckeye Bread Basket to meet those needs without help from people like you. We will hold our holiday fund-raising sale of greeting cards to help raise the necessary funds. The greeting cards come in boxes of ten with green envelopes and feature an original watercolor scene, created by a famous Ohio artist.

Please share the many blessings you will enjoy on Thanksgiving Day. We would like to ask your help in raising money for our annual Thanksgiving Day dinner by simply purchasing these wonderful holiday greeting cards. With your purchase, you will receive a tax deductible receipt. For the price of $24.50, the money from the sale of a single box can feed a hungry family of four on Thanksgiving. Please place your orders by simply using the enclosed form and return envelope. Should you require further information, please contact 123-456-7890 by phone or at our mailing address.

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Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

BBMak