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Contiluo Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Fell uncouscious

Please check out the following paragraph.

One evening, a woman walked to a convenience store . She saw a little girl crying in the roadside. Her compassion prompted her to show her concern, so she approached the little girl and asked what’s wrong with her. The little girl replied that she got lost and couldn’t find her mother, and she asked the woman to bring her home. The woman thought she was just a little girl, so she agreed to take the little girl home. Finally, they arrived the girl’s house. As soon as the woman rang the door bell, she fell unconscious on the ground. After the woman woke up, she was found abandoned in the wilderness and without wearing any clothes. She tried doing everything possible to be off the hook and called the police. Finally, the police caught the criminal gang ! What a terrible experience!
  

Top answer

I have underlined some problem areas for you: One evening, a woman walked to a convenience store . She saw a little girl crying in the roadside. Her compassion prompted her to show her concern, so she approached the little girl and asked what’s wrong with her .

  • I have underlined some problem areas for you: One evening, a woman walked to a convenience store .
  • She saw a little girl crying in the roadside.
  • Her compassion prompted her to show her concern, so she approached the little girl and asked what’s wrong with her .
  • The little girl replied that she got lost and couldn’t find her mother, and she asked the woman to bring her home.
  • The woman thought she was just a little girl, so she agreed to take the little girl home.
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3 Answers
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I have underlined some problem areas for you:

One evening, a woman walked to a convenience store . She saw a little girl crying in the roadside. Her compassion prompted her to show her concern, so she approached the little girl and asked what’s wrong with her. The little girl replied that she got lost and couldn’t find her mother, and she asked the wo
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One evening, a woman went to a convenience store . She saw a little girl crying along the roadside. Her compassion prompted her to show her concern, so she approached the little girl and asked what happened to her. The little girl replied that she was lost and couldn’t find her mother, and she asked the woman to bring her home. The woman thought she was just
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One evening, a woman was walking to a convenience store . She saw a little girl crying along the roadside. Her compassion prompted her to show her concern, so she approached the little girl and asked her what was wrong. The little girl replied that she was lost and couldn’t find her mother, and she asked the woman to take her home. The woman thought she was just a l

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