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Brittanymorris2012 Posted 12 years ago
Feedback
I wrote this poem when I didn't know how to let out my feelings and I was just hoping for some feedback, I don't have a title yet but here it is:
A brick wall is strong, but the more and more you swing, it will crumble like any other wall.
The strong will fall.
It can take a lot of hits, but in the end it gives.
It feels every blow, but it won't let go.
But nothing is indestructible, the ending is inevitable.
You will prevail, because the wall failed.
You tear it down, bring the pieces to the ground.
The wall was good, but you didn't like where it stood.
So you swung and swung, until you won.
The wall is broken, but you earned your token.
Everyone and everything has a weakness, and when you find it, you use it until they fall to peaces.
You were wrong, to destroy something so strong.
This wall, will prove to you all,
That even a brick wall, will always fall
A brick wall is strong, but the more and more you swing, it will crumble like any other wall.
The strong will fall.
It can take a lot of hits, but in the end it gives.
It feels every blow, but it won't let go.
But nothing is indestructible, the ending is inevitable.
You will prevail, because the wall failed.
You tear it down, bring the pieces to the ground.
The wall was good, but you didn't like where it stood.
So you swung and swung, until you won.
The wall is broken, but you earned your token.
Everyone and everything has a weakness, and when you find it, you use it until they fall to peaces.
You were wrong, to destroy something so strong.
This wall, will prove to you all,
That even a brick wall, will always fall
Top answer
Do you want feedback on shaping the poem or on the thoughts in the poem? My big suggestion about organizing the poem is to pay more attention to the rhythm of the words, the swing of them. Right now it stops and starts, is brief then goes on and on, has balance and loses it.
- Do you want feedback on shaping the poem or on the thoughts in the poem?
- My big suggestion about organizing the poem is to pay more attention to the rhythm of the words, the swing of them.
- Right now it stops and starts, is brief then goes on and on, has balance and loses it.
- Also, you rhyme some lines absolutely but others partially.
- My notes follow: A brick wall is strong, but the more and more you swing, it will crumble like any other wall.
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1 Answers
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Do you want feedback on shaping the poem or on the thoughts in the poem? My big suggestion about organizing the poem is to pay more attention to the rhythm of the words, the swing of them. Right now it stops and starts, is brief then goes on and on, has balance and loses it. Also, you rhyme some lines absolutely but others partially. My notes follow:
A brick wall is stro
A brick wall is stro
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