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Usenet Posted 21 years ago
Screenwriting
Feedback
Hi,
I wrote a short satirical news story a few years ago that ended up being passed around as an urban legend, and I was encouraged to write a screenplay out of it. HBO used it in Six Feet Under, and Weekly World News used it as well, and I finally got around to expanding it into a screenplay and need some feedback.
Here's the original short news story:
http://www.elroysemporium.com/news/rapture.html
I've written lots of other news stories, but screenplay writing is a lot different and I'm having a tough time getting used to it.
Here's the current screenplay:
http://www.elroysemporium.com/screenplays/mistakenrapture/index.html
Negative as well as positive feedback is welcome.
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
I wrote a short satirical news story a few years ago that ended up being passed around as an urban legend, and I was encouraged to write a screenplay out of it. HBO used it in Six Feet Under, and Weekly World News used it as well, and I finally got around to expanding it into a screenplay and need some feedback.
Here's the original short news story:
http://www.elroysemporium.com/news/rapture.html
I've written lots of other news stories, but screenplay writing is a lot different and I'm having a tough time getting used to it.
Here's the current screenplay:
http://www.elroysemporium.com/screenplays/mistakenrapture/index.html
Negative as well as positive feedback is welcome.
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
Top answer
[nq:1]Hi, I wrote a short satirical news story a few years ago that ended up being passed around as an ... a tough time getting used to it. [/nq] That story's one of the funniest damned things (and I do mean damned) I've ever read.
- [nq:1]Hi, I wrote a short satirical news story a few years ago that ended up being passed around as an ...
- a tough time getting used to it.
- [/nq] That story's one of the funniest damned things (and I do mean damned) I've ever read.
- Since it's set in Arkansas, sounds like a natural for Billy Bob Thornton to be involved somehow.
- But I didn't read your script, don't have time.
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31 Answers
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[nq:1]Hi, I wrote a short satirical news story a few years ago that ended up being passed around as an ... a tough time getting used to it. Here's the current screenplay: http://www.elroysemporium.com/screenplays/mistakenrapture/index.html Negative as well as positive feedback is wel
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[nq:1]Hi, I wrote a short satirical news story a few years ago that ended up being passed around as an ... News used it as well, and I finally got around to expanding it into a screenplay and need some feedback.[/nq]
Shoot, I found a mistake right in the first sentence. "From above and behind, a golden SUV is seen traveling along the road." should be
"From above and behind, a golden SUV tr
Shoot, I found a mistake right in the first sentence. "From above and behind, a golden SUV is seen traveling along the road." should be
"From above and behind, a golden SUV tr
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[nq:2]Hi, I wrote a short satirical news story a few ... screenplay: http://www.elroysemporium.com/screenplays/mistakenrapture/index.html Negative as well as positive feedback is welcome.[/nq]
[nq:1]That story's one of the funniest damned things (and I do mean damned) I've ever
[nq:1]That story's one of the funniest damned things (and I do mean damned) I've ever
00
[nq:2]Hi, I wrote a short satirical news story a few ... to expanding it into a screenplay and need some feedback.[/nq]
[nq:1] Shoot, I found a mistake right in the first sentence. "From above and behind, a golden SUV is seen traveling along the road." should be "From above and behind, a golden SUV travels along the road." ;-) Just messin' with ya.[/nq]
It's a helicopter pov. Or maybe a fo
[nq:1] Shoot, I found a mistake right in the first sentence. "From above and behind, a golden SUV is seen traveling along the road." should be "From above and behind, a golden SUV travels along the road." ;-) Just messin' with ya.[/nq]
It's a helicopter pov. Or maybe a fo
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Welcome to the group, by the way. Hope you'll stick around.
"If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it."
Elmore Leonard
"If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it."
Elmore Leonard
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[nq:1]It's a helicopter pov. Or maybe a following truck with a tall camera boom on it pov. What's the proper way to describe it?[/nq]
You have a choice.
You can either draw attention to the camera angle or you can avoid it.
If you're going to draw attention to it, something like:
AERIAL POV:
would do it, but most received wisdom these days argues against putting in sp
You have a choice.
You can either draw attention to the camera angle or you can avoid it.
If you're going to draw attention to it, something like:
AERIAL POV:
would do it, but most received wisdom these days argues against putting in sp
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[nq:1]Welcome to the group, by the way. Hope you'll stick around.[/nq]
Thanks. I'm sure I'll stick around for a while. I initially subscribed to the non-moderated group, and found it full of mostly off-topic posts.
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
Thanks. I'm sure I'll stick around for a while. I initially subscribed to the non-moderated group, and found it full of mostly off-topic posts.
Elroy Willis
www.elroysemporium.com
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[nq:1]It's a helicopter pov. Or maybe a following truck with a tall camera boom on it pov. What's the proper way to describe it?[/nq]
By and large, you should avoid describing how something should be shot unless it's crucial to the story or to the emotional impact of the moment.
(If this is your first screenplay, I'd shorten that to "don't include any camera descriptions." Once you've gott
By and large, you should avoid describing how something should be shot unless it's crucial to the story or to the emotional impact of the moment.
(If this is your first screenplay, I'd shorten that to "don't include any camera descriptions." Once you've gott
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[nq:2]It's a helicopter pov. Or maybe a following truck with a tall camera boom on it pov. What's the proper way to describe it?[/nq]
[nq:1]You have a choice. You can either draw attention to the camera angle or you can avoid it. If you're ... these days argues against putting in specific camera angles and transitions, because that's seen as encroaching on the director's turf.[/nq]
I've re
[nq:1]You have a choice. You can either draw attention to the camera angle or you can avoid it. If you're ... these days argues against putting in specific camera angles and transitions, because that's seen as encroaching on the director's turf.[/nq]
I've re
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[nq:2]Welcome to the group, by the way. Hope you'll stick around.[/nq]
[nq:1]Thanks. I'm sure I'll stick around for a while. I initially subscribed to the non-moderated group, and found it full of mostly off-topic posts.[/nq]
The moderated group was set up specifically to escape the pollution spread by Jai Maharaj.
The only moderation is robotic, and it doesn't allow cross-posti
[nq:1]Thanks. I'm sure I'll stick around for a while. I initially subscribed to the non-moderated group, and found it full of mostly off-topic posts.[/nq]
The moderated group was set up specifically to escape the pollution spread by Jai Maharaj.
The only moderation is robotic, and it doesn't allow cross-posti
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