EWriting Task 1

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

What is the approximated IELTS band score of this essay, and what are its mistakes and fixes? What can I do to improve it? Thanks for your help!

The graph depicts how the birth rates changed in two nations China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, the birth rates in two countries decreased over the given period. It is also apparent that the birth rate of China is almost lower than the USA’s rate.

Between 1920 and 1935, the birth rates in the USA fluctuated but remained above 10%. This figure then significantly dropped to 5% in the last years of the 40s before peaking at the highest point about 15% in the next decade. Throughout the remainder of the period, the USA’s birth rates witnessed a gradual fall, which fell to around 7% in 2000.

Over the same period, a parallel trend was shown in China’s birth rate but at a lower rate than the USA’s, which stood at 10% in 1920. This was followed by the decrease to 5% from 1940 to 1945 before rapidly reaching a double number of 20% in 1950. Over the next five decades, there was a dramatic decline in the birth rate of China which ended with the relatively low number, approximately 2%.