Everyone please check my essay for me.Thanks so much.

Question

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010. Overall, four retail sectors varied significantly from 2005 to 2010.Electronics and appliance made up the largest proportion of retail sectors in 2005, with just over a third, but dropping slightly in 2010, at 30% of the total. In 2005, in third place was food and beverage, with nearly a quarter. However, it increased rapidly from 22% to 32%, and displacing electronic and appliance to end in first place in 2010.In 2005, the home furnishings industry boasted an impression 25% of the total online sales in Canada. However, this percentage had dropped considerably to 15% by 2010. Interestingly, online sales of video games eventually overtook sales of home furnishings, although video games still represented only 23% of the market in 2010.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010. ~~Overall, four retail sectors varied significantly from 2005 to 2010.~~

(That says nothing significant. We expect there to be some changes. It would shock the reader if the data for these two years was exactly the same. Instead, tell the reader how many sectors are shown and their names.

The on-line market is divided into four sectors: 1. Electronics and appliances, 2. Food and beverage, 3. Home furnishings and 4. Video games, and their share of online sales ranged from 15% to 35% in those two years.)

Electronics and appliance dominated ~~made up the largest proportion of~~ the retail sectors in 2005, with just over a third of total sales, but dropping ( when you use a coordinating conjunction, you must use an inflected verb. If you do not use a conjunction, use the non-finite form of the verb. e.g. "but dropped slightly..." "dropping slightly...") slightly (Use numbers, rather than descriptive words. "It dropped by 15%." or 'It dropped 5 percentage points." The reader can decide if a change of 15% is "slight" or something else..) in 2010, at 30% of the total. In 2005, in third place was food and beverage, with nearly a quarter of sales. However, it increased by 45% ~~rapidly~~ from 22% to 32%, and displacing ( when you use a coordinating conjunction, you must use an inflected verb. If you do not use a conjunction, use the non-finite form of the verb. e.g. "and displaced..." "displacing...") electronic and appliance to end in first place in 2010.

In 2005, the home furnishings industry had ~~boasted~~ an impression (wrong word) 25% of the total online sales ~~in Canada~~. However, this percentage had dropped ~~considerably~~ (by 40%) to 15% by 2010. Interestingly, online sales of video games eventually overtook sales of home furnishings, although video games still represented only 23% of the market in 2010.

Everyone please check my essay for me.Thanks so much.

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions