0
Angliholic Posted 13 years ago

even for a centimeter

Roselles are coming back to bloom
at this time of the year
without making any promise
to the season

Yet without a reason
you seem to have disappeared
forever and ever

Your sweetness of yesterday
has brewed me this sorrow of today

Be there a powerful typhoon tomorrow
I wonder
if it's able to push this sorrow
even a centimeter

Hi,
I wrote the poem above to practice my English. I wonder if I should put "for" after "even" in the last line or not. Thanks.
  

Top answer

Angliholic I wonder if I should put "for" after "even" in the last line or not No. 'Brewed' is the wrong verb choice. 'Be there' and 'it's' conflict in time and mood.

— Mister Micawber

  • Angliholic I wonder if I should put "for" after "even" in the last line or not No.
  • 'Brewed' is the wrong verb choice.
  • 'Be there' and 'it's' conflict in time and mood.
  • Otherwise, I quite like it, Angli.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

2 Answers
0
Angliholic I wonder if I should put "for" after "even" in the last line or not
No.

'Brewed' is the wrong verb choice.
'Be there' and 'it's' conflict in time and mood.

Otherwise, I quite like it, Angli.
0
0
One is allowed considerable license when writing poetry, so in one sense the poem is good as it stands. However, my native ears reject the words "coming back to bloom." The problem with this, in my view, is that the phrase "...coming back to..." is used in certain set expressions, and sounds awkward outside of these. I would say "coming back in bloom."

I disagree that the word "brewed"
0

Related Questions