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Question

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams like football while other people think that taking part in individual sports like tennis or swimming is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As the world is in peace, people seem to show their interest in sports. Several opinions were given about whether playing team sports is more beneficial or attending solo sports will provide people with more advantages. Personally, I believe that team sports are far more essential than just taking part in individual sports.

On the one hand, I accept that solo sports have their own outstanding aspects. Initially, solo sports help people gain their best experiences such as self-confidence, self-esteem, the enhancement of mindset and emotion control. People could learn such skills as they do not have teammates to rely on and every single action they do in society will be monitored 24 out of 7 by the paparazzi If they are famous sports athletes. Besides, those who are into solo sports have to be able to have time management skills in order to achieve personal objectives. Therefore, they will have a chance to advance further than those who prefer team sports.

On the other hand, I agree that team sports; although, they can not bring back as many benefits as individual sports, still have some factors that outweigh the opportunities that solo sports have given to players. Completely distinguish from solo sports, participating in team sports does not mean people only concentrate on their personal skills. On the contrary, people who love team sports have to get through communication ability, teamwork and solidarity among team members so they can celebrate themselves with a trophy after their victory in competitions. Finally, due to the received interpersonal skills during their time in team sports, they can benefit them in real life rather than just in sport. For example, teamwork will appear in Office or even in some everyday context in family, or communication skills can help people build a solid relationship which may profit you in the future.

In conclusion, sports are the most important in the society of mankind. If I had o choose between team or individual sports, I will prefer having a team to play with. However, discrimination should not be occurred between to types of sport as they are equally essential to maintain the interconnectedness among nations.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote over 350 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

~~As the world is in peace, people seem to show their interest in sports.~~ (That is not relevant to this topic. ) Several opinions (There are only two opinions in this task, not several. Opinion 1: team sports are better. Opinion 2: Individual sports are better) were given about whether playing team sports is more beneficial or attending (wrong word. Attending means that you are watching other people play the sport.) solo sports will provide people with more advantages. Personally, I believe that team sports are far ~~more essential~~ (wrong word. ) better for one's health and happiness than just taking part in individual sports.

On the one hand, I accept that solo sports have their own outstanding aspects. ~~Initially~~, Solo sports help people build their character in aspects ~~gain their best experiences~~ such as self-confidence, self-esteem, the enhancement of mindset and emotional control. People could learn ~~such~~ ~~skills~~ to excel as they do not have teammates to rely on and every single action they do in society will be monitored 24 out of 7 by the paparazzi If they are famous sports athletes. (That seems like a negative, not an "outstanding" attribute. Do not contradict the topic of the paragraph. It destroys your essay's coherence and cohesion. Besides, this is not very relevant to the topic. Famous team players, such as footballers, are also hounded by their fans.. It is not a differentiation between solo and team players..) Besides, those who are into solo sports have to be able to have time management skills in order to achieve personal objectives. Therefore, they will have a chance to advance further than those who prefer team sports.

(That does not make sense. If you play with a team, you have to coordinate your schedule with the other players. That requires more time management skills than a swimmer, who can go to the pool almost anytime.)

On the other hand, ~~I agree that~~ (Do not write that you agree with something that is not your opinion.) team sports; (wrong punctuation) although, they can not bring ~~back~~ as many benefits as individual sports, still have some factors that outweigh the opportunities (Not a good phrase) that solo sports have given to players. ~~Completely distinguish from solo sports,~~ (ungrammatical) participating in team sports does not mean people only concentrate on their personal skills. On the contrary, people who love team sports have to ~~get through~~ (wrong verb phrase) develop communication skills ~~ability~~, teamwork and solidarity among team members so they can celebrate ~~themselves~~ (wrong usage) with a trophy after their victory in competitions. Finally, due to ~~the received~~ (wrong usage) their superior interpersonal skills gained during their time in practicing with a team, ~~team sports~~, they can benefit ~~them~~ (wrong usage) in ~~real~~ (team practice is "real" life) everyday life rather than just in sport. For example, teamwork will appear in Office (wrong usage - "Office" is a software product from Microsoft.) or even in some everyday context in family, or communication skills can help people build a solid relationship which may profit you (wrong pronoun) in the future.

In conclusion, sports are the most important in the society of mankind. (That is not the task. Focus exactly on the question.) If I had o choose between team or individual sports, I will prefer having a team to play with. ~~However, discrimination should not be occurred~~ (wrong usage - wrong verb form) ~~between to types of sport as they are equally essential to maintain the interconnectedness among nations..~~

You never mentioned "interconnectedness among nations" in the body paragraphs. Do not put any new ideas in the conclusion. Only summarize the points you already made.

Stay focused directly on the task, like a laser beam. Do not stray off-topic. This task is not about sports in general. It is not about the importance of sports in the world or in life. It is for you to compare team sports with individual sports, as a participant. Which is the better choice? Which offers more advantages? Support your opinion from your personal experiences. Have you ever played any sports? Do you know someone who plays sports?

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