Evaluate my task 2 my real test is in 2 days

Question

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

my essay:

It is often argued that nowadays, people tend to be conquered by advertisements which make them spend money on, while others say that advertisements are so popular that they will not pay any attention to products. From my perspective, I think individuals are strongly influenced by the advertisement industry because of its impact on society.

On the one hand, there are quite a bunch of reasons why people pay less attention to advertisements. First of all, people hardly care about what ads they are about because of its popularity. For example, McDonald's gives their customers a lot of repetitive advertisements that make their customers unsatisfied because they may have seen too many alike ones in a day. Secondly, individuals prefer hands-on products rather than see the illustrated ads that appear on TVs or the Internet. For instance, products may be tested by some experts so that they will not have to see the advertisements on Tvs, that is why ads become less famous in today’s life.

On the other hand, advertising plays an important role on human’s needs in life as it can make people buy things themselves. To illustrate this point, there is a growing body of research which suggests that 56% of people are impacted by advertisements because companies know how to persuade their customers in the best ways. Also, designing advertisements gives buyers a better look about what they are going to launch. Take Apple as an example, whenever they announce to the public about their new product, people all over the world will be excited and that is because of the advertisements. As a result, their products will be more and more popular among people thanks to the development of online advertisements.

In conclusion, although it is said that there will be no attention for advertisements despite being common these days, advertising is still very successful at conquering people to purchase such expensive and luxurious items.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote over 330 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

It is often argued that nowadays, people tend to be conquered by advertisements which make them spend money on, while others say that advertisements are so popular (incorrect) that they will not pay any attention to products. (off topic) From my perspective, I think individuals are strongly influenced by the advertisement industry because of its impact on society.

(That is off-topic. You did not read the task carefully enough. The word use is either unnatural, or incorrect.

On the one hand, there are quite a bunch of (Too casual. Do not use casual expressions in essays.) reasons why people pay less attention to advertisements. First of all, people hardly care about what ads they are about (ungrammatical) because of its (wrong pronoun - the antecedent is plural) popularity. (wrong word) For example, McDonald's gives their customers (That is not a good word. They are trying to attract people who are not customers, too) a lot of repetitive advertisements that make their customers unsatisfied because they may have seen too many similar ~~alike~~ ones in a day. Secondly, individuals prefer hands-on products (That does not make sense. It is not about buying things on the internet.) rather than see the ~~illustrated~~ ads that appear on TV ~~TVs~~ or the Internet. For instance, products may be tested by some experts so that they will not have to see the advertisements on Tvs, (That does not make any sense. Advertisements try to convince people to buy the products. It has nothing to do with experts or testing.) that is why ads become less famous (The topic is not about famous ads.) in today’s life.

On the other hand, advertising plays an important role on human’s (Do not use "human" except in certain set phrases like human rights and human resources and when comparing human beings with other species.) needs in life as it can make people buy things ~~themselves~~. To illustrate this point, there is a growing body of research which suggests that 56% of people are impacted by advertisements because companies know how to persuade people ~~their customers~~ in the best ways. Also, designing (That means to create an ad. There are people - graphic designers - who do this. It makes no sense in this sentence.) advertisements gives buyers a better look about what they (The buyers? Do the buyers launch something?) are going to launch. Take Apple as an example, (comma splice error https://chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm) whenever they announce ~~to the public about~~ their new product, people all over the world will be excited and that is because of the advertisements. As a result, their products will be more and more popular among people thanks to the ~~development of~~ (That makes no sense.) online advertisements.

In conclusion, although it is said that there will be no attention for advertisements despite being common these days, advertising is still very successful at conquering (wrong word) people to purchase such expensive and luxurious items. (You used McDonalds as an example. Is McDonalds an expensive luxury item?)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

gray apple 843Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Here is an example opening paragraph:

Advertising is inextricably linked to companies’ marketing strategies. Some people think that it is an effective strategy since advertisements continue to attract more customers, increasing sales and profits. However, others disagree, claiming that people mostly ignore the ads. I believe that advertising still influences our buying habits to some degree.

Evaluate my task 2 my real test is in 2 days

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