Essays

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Hi,I would like to know if I could have some Essays I´ve written corrected here!!If it is possible, what should I do to have access to that...Thank you so much!!B

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

Just post them here in the essay/writing area of the Forum and we'll have a look.

Clive

Alexandremelo · Answer

DEAR CLIVE,
MY NAME IS ALEXANDRE AND I ALSO NEED TO HAVE MY WRITING PAPERS CORRECTED. I WOULD BE GLAD IF YOU COULD HAVE A LOOK ON THEM. THEY´RE ALL IN MY PROFILE BUT I CAN SEND TO YOU AS WELL.
THANKS YOU VERY MUCH
ALEXANDRE

Clive · Answer

Hi Alexandre,

Just post them here and someone will try to have a look.

Short is better than long, as people have only limited time to offer you.

Best wishes, Clive.

Alexandremelo · Answer

Many thanks Clive.

I wrote and article . Could you correct please ?
thanks
Alexandre

It is a sunny but cold Saturday in the Oscar Freire Street. I go for a walk when suddenly I see a huge crowd in front of a luxurious shop; “It must be somebody famous” I ponder silently. To my surprise, as I start to get closer what I predicted to be an autograph session about one of these instant celebrities (or almost famous), is just hundreds of madams, sugar daddies and futile females fighting for a limited purse´s edition.

As I am really impressed with the scene, I decide to have a conversation with one of the “ladies” at the shop. She is charming, glamorous and not so wealthy, however, despite the exorbitant price shown at the launching, she says that she really need to have the purse due to the fact that her current one is not only old-fashioned (she bought it at the same shop just six months ago), but also all her friends got one.

Unfortunately, most of the people buy things that are not necessarily useful for them, just because their subconscious minds are well manipulated by the media and the industry. As a result, what we see is a perfect subliminal effect that is not a novelty nor to an ordinary person, neither for a highly skilled marketing guru. It is our disposable society in its divine essence, influenced and controlled by the great media corporations whose profits are directly connected with the great brands shown in everywhere.

Compulsive buyers do not need Jesus; they need Gucci’s, BMW, Apple, Google, Burger King, Versace’s (he can resurrect), and many other “deities” around. All in all, rampant advertising and consumerism is driving an unsatisfying materialist life. As soon as we do not opt to work, earn, and consume less and in the process created richer, more meaningful lives, we will face the consequences of a negligible lifestyle.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Here are suggested edits.

It is a sunny but cold Saturday in Oscar Freire Street. I am going for a walk when suddenly I see a huge crowd in front of a luxurious shop; “It must be somebody famous”, I ponder silently. To my surprise, as I start to get closer, what I predicted to be an autograph session for one of these instant (or almost famous) celebrities is just hundreds of madams, sugar daddies and futile females fighting for a limited edition woman's purse.

The underlined part is very fancifiul language.

'A madam' commonly means a woman who runs a brothel. Perhaps 'dowagers'?

As I am really impressed with the scene, I decide to have a conversation with one of the “ladies”

why are you using quotes here? Are you implying they are not ladies?

at the shop. She is charming, glamorous and not so wealthy. However, despite the exorbitant price shown at the launching, she says that she really needs to have the purse, not only because her current one is old-fashioned (she bought it at the same shop just six months ago), but also because all her friends have one.

Unfortunately, most people buy things that are not necessarily useful to them, just because their subconscious minds are well manipulated by the media and by industry. As a result, what we see is a perfect subliminal effect that is not a novelty <<<< what does this mean ? >>> to an ordinary person or a highly skilled marketing guru. It is our disposable society in its divine essence, influenced and controlled by the great media corporations whose profits are directly connected with the great brands found everywhere.

Compulsive buyers do not need Jesus; they need Gucci, BMW, Apple, Google, Burger King, Versaces (he can resurrect), and many other “deities”. All in all, rampant advertising and consumerism is driving an unsatisfying materialist life. As long as we do not opt to work, earn, and consume less, and thus create richer, more meaningful lives, we will face the consequences of a negligible lifestyle.

Clive

Alexandremelo · Answer

THANK YOU VERY MUCH CLIVE. I AM GOING TO REWRITE AND POST AGAIN.
BEST
ALEXANDRE

Alexandremelo · Answer

hi clive. I rewrote. Could you have a look ? thanks

It is a sunny but cold Saturday in Oscar Freire Street. I am going for a walk when suddenly I see a huge crowd in front of a luxurious shop; “It must be somebody famous”, I ponder silently. To my surprise, as I start to get closer, what I predicted to be an autograph session for one of these instant (or almost famous) celebrities is just hundreds of beautiful women fighting for a limited edition chic purse.

As I am really impressed with the scene, I decide to have a conversation with one of the women at the shop. She is charming, glamorous and not so wealthy. However, despite the exorbitant price shown at the launching, she says that she desperately needs to have the purse, not only because her current one is old-fashioned (she bought it at the same shop just six months ago), but also because all her friends have one.

Unfortunately, most people buy things that are not necessarily useful to them, just because their subconscious minds are well manipulated by the media and fashion industry. As a result, what we see is a world of people experiencing and believing that the perfect happiness can be found on the purchase of a particular brand of clothing, purse or any other product. Some blame the media for propagating negative advertisements publicly, but instead of accusing such ads of influencing them, some measures must be taken in order to encourage a conscious consumer.

In fact, the majority of consumers do not need Jesus; they need Gucci, BMW, Apple, Google, Burger King, Versaces (he can resurrect), and many other “deities”. All in all, rampant advertising and consumerism is driving an unsatisfying materialist life. As long as we do not opt to work, earn, and consume less, and thus create richer, more meaningful lives, we will face the consequences of a negligible lifestyle.

Alexandremelo · Answer

the sublimnal efffect means that the people are influenced by the subliminal effect who provokes the desire for buying in their minds. the subliminal effect. Such fact is not a new trend nor for an ordinary consumer neither for a marketing guru.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

It is a sunny but cold Saturday in Oscar Freire Street. I am going for a walk when suddenly I see a huge crowd in front of a luxurious shop; “It must be somebody famous”, I ponder silently. To my surprise, as I start to get closer, what I predicted to be an autograph session for one of these instant (or almost famous) celebrities is just hundreds of beautiful women fighting for a limited-edition chic purse.

As I am really impressed with the scene, I decide to have a conversation with one of the women at the shop. She is charming, glamorous and not so wealthy. However, despite the exorbitant price shown at the launching, she says that she desperately needs to have the purse, not only because her current one is old-fashioned (she bought it at the same shop just six months ago), but also because all her friends have one.

Unfortunately, most people buy things that are not necessarily useful to them, just because their subconscious minds are well manipulated by the media and the fashion industry. As a result, what we see is a world of people experiencing and believing that the perfect happiness can be found in the purchase of a particular brand of clothing, purse or any other product. Some blame the media for propagating negative advertisements publicly, but instead of accusing such ads of influencing them, they should take some measures in order to encourage a conscious consumer.

In fact, the majority of consumers do not need Jesus; they need Gucci, BMW, Apple, Google, Burger King, Versace (he can resurrect), and many other “deities”. All in all, rampant advertising and consumerism is driving an unsatisfying materialist life. As long as we do not opt to work, earn, and consume less, and thus create richer, more meaningful lives, we will face the consequences of a negligible lifestyle. 'Negligible' is not a good word to choose here.

Clive

Alexandremelo · Answer

It is a sunny but cold Saturday in Oscar Freire Street. I am going for a walk when suddenly I see a huge crowd in front of a luxurious shop; “It must be somebody famous”, I ponder silently. To my surprise, as I start to get closer, what I predicted to be an autograph session for one of these instant (or almost famous) celebrities is just hundreds of beautiful women fighting for a limited-edition chic purse.

As I am really impressed with the scene, I decide to have a conversation with one of the women at the shop. She is charming, glamorous and not so wealthy. However, despite the exorbitant price shown at the launching, she says that she desperately needs to have the purse, not only because her current one is old-fashioned (she bought it at the same shop just six months ago), but also because all her friends have one.

Unfortunately, most people buy things that are not necessarily useful to them, just because their subconscious minds are well manipulated by the media and the fashion industry. As a result, what we see is a world of people experiencing and believing that the perfect happiness can be found in the purchase of a particular brand of clothing, purse or any other product. Some blame the media for propagating negative advertisements publicly, but instead of accusing such ads of influencing them, they should take some measures in order to encourage a conscious consumer.

In fact, the majority of consumers do not need Jesus; they need Gucci, BMW, Apple, Google, Burger King, Versace (he can resurrect), and many other “deities”. All in all, rampant advertising and consumerism is driving an unsatisfying materialist life. As long as we do not opt to work, earn, and consume less, and thus create richer, more meaningful lives, we will face the consequences of a dangerous lifestyle.

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