Essay writing task 2 IETLS - Please Help me check this essay

Topic: Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Children education continues to be a topical topic in family title today. There are valid arguments on both sides whether the growth of children is affected by social factors or chiefly by parents. I will discuss these views now to clarify each influence on the development of children.

On the one hand, adolescents are easily impacted by new trends and often imitate quickly. For example, a child desires to become a famous singer when he/she often watches K-pop programs and wishes for one day performing on the large stage with beautiful apprerance like their K-pop idols. Moreover, teenagers almost spend their time for their peers or other friends so they are less or more influenced by their life-style and thinking-way. If an immature child makes friends with one person of poor personality, he/she can be induced to make mistakes. On the contrary, a child can learn wonderful qualities of his/her friends who are careful, hard-working and own strong desire for progress.

On the other hand, parents still play an essential role in orietating children. Firstly, fathers and mothers bring up their children from being born to mature stage so they understand them most. Thus, they know which children-teaching methods are suitable in order to help them reach their full potential. Furtheremore, family harmony is a crucial factor in formation of youngsters' personality. For instance, if a child grows up in a violate family, he/she can have mental problems. Finally, parents always want to bring the best things for their children so they will not harm them in any circumstance whereas try their best to educate and bring sufficient life for them.

In conclusion, I believe that social and family factors all have certain influences on the mature progress of children. However, parents' impacts seem to outweigh because they always stand by their children; hence, they will help them to take best advantages from social factors.