Essay writing (Cambridge exam preparation)

Hello everyone! I just started my journey to Cambridge exam certification and I don't have enough writing practice, so I decided to focus on this exam section. I'll be very grateful if you can check out my essay. Thanks in advance and have a nice day!

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Task:
Your class has listened to a radio discussion about how adults can be a good influence on
younger people. You have made the notes below (1-2):
1. Ways adults can influence how younger people
behave:

• giving rules
• setting an example
• offering advice

2. Some opinions expressed in the discussion:

• “Sometimes it’s fun to break the rules!”
• “If you admire somebody, you try to behave like them.”
• “Young people don’t always listen.”

Write an essay discussing two of the ways in your notes that adults can influence younger
people’s behavior. You should explain which way you think is more effective, giving
reasons to support your opinion. You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but you should use your own words as far as possible. You must answer this question. Write your answer in 220 – 260 words in an appropriate style
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Essay

There is no arguing with the fact that adults play a huge and important role in younger people’s life. Their influence can be good or bad, but most adults are looking for methods to make a positive impact on younger people’s behavior.

One of those methods is advice offering. It’s hard to deny that adults in general have more life experience. Merely from the fact that they lived longer lives, we can conclude that they also encountered more difficult situations on the way. At the same time dealing with problems especially when you are young and vulnerable can be damaging, and often it’s much better to learn from other’s mistakes rather than make your own. But one needs to be careful not to overuse this method because on the one hand we have young people who want to live their own life and on the other hand there can be adults who tend to give advice nobody asked for.

A much better way to influence younger people is to set an example with your own behavior. In my opinion, it’s a more difficult, yet rewarding method. By setting an example, adults develop some behavior patterns, which others can follow without any pressure applied. By reading these patterns with all their pros and cons, the younger generation can learn a great deal.

In conclusion, adults should and can be a good influence on younger people. In some cases, adults even can become role models, but one need not forget that with great power comes great responsibility.