ESSAY WRITING
Task: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
This is my essay:
Technological metamorphosis has infiltrated human's lives with its unnerving value in variegated realms and human's relationship is no exception. So omnipotent and omnipresent is technology that it has begetted major alterations in relationship. Personally, I believe that technology has morphed relationships into more convenient and less intimate ones, which is actually a negative advance
Under the impact of techtastic devices, establishing relationships is becoming increasingly straightforward and convenient. First of all, technological gizmos enhance communication pace. It is common knowledge that within a button, people can interact with others in a matter of seconds. Secondly, technological metamorphosis eradicate the inconvenience of distance. No longer a perennial hurdle, distance is shortened at an unprecedented pace when users can keep in touch with people living miles away by virtue of mobile phones or social networks at infinitesimal cost.
However, relationships are on the threshold of lacking intimacy in the face of modern technology. The first reason is that people waver in verbal communication. The underlying value of human's quality is undermined because people are too indolent to talk to others. The second one is that people's solutions for dissension is deleterious. Since people choose to heal the rift through text message at high frequency, conflict is not solved in its entirety, which may imperil and engulf relationships
To recapitulate, relationships have been revolutionized to become more convenient but less close. This is rendered detrimental enhancement in human's relationships. The quantity of contacts and relationships may be exponentially augmented although their quality insidiously recedes. I postulate that the government should launch more campaigns to accentuate the importance of tech detox, exhorting every citizen to build digital resilience in modern times
Please help me check it out. Thank you!!
Top answer
Le Thu Hien: Some people have the idea that stuffing their essay full of less common vocabulary and phrases will raise their score. The IELTS marking scheme for "lexical resource" Band 7 does indeed include: " uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation ". Note the emphasis on style and collocation: without using the vocabulary in the right context, Band 7 will not be achieved.
- Le Thu Hien: Some people have the idea that stuffing their essay full of less common vocabulary and phrases will raise their score.
- The IELTS marking scheme for "lexical resource" Band 7 does indeed include: " uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation ".
- Note the emphasis on style and collocation: without using the vocabulary in the right context, Band 7 will not be achieved.
- Take for example: "variegated realms" from your first sentence.
- As the graph below shows this is an unused (and indeed nonsensical) phrase.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
Le Thu Hien:
Some people have the idea that stuffing their essay full of less common vocabulary and phrases will raise their score. The IELTS marking scheme for "lexical resource" Band 7 does indeed include: "uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation". Note the emphasis on style and collocation: without using the vocabulary in the right c
0Le Thu HienPlease help me by checking it out. Thank you!!
Technological metamorphosis has infiltrated human's lives with its unnerving value in va
0
Related Questions