Essay that needs to be edited

I am new to the forum and I am not sure which thread this should be posted in. I have an essay that is due tomorrow (final draft) and I need help in editing after a class peer edit was done. It is a full 3 pages long and I am not sure that it will fit here. I appreciate the help in advance.

Anna

English 101A

April 24, 2006

Rough Draft

My Boys

It is possible for two brothers to develop their own distinct personalities, while sharing a room for several years from a very young age, that express their own individuality. There are many different factors of ones life that can express ones individuality. Each distinct personality can be seen through as few as three aspects of their lives, such as how they interact with family, their choice of outward appearances, even the way they play video games.

Both of my boys interact with the family, have their own outward appearances, even have a specific way that they play video games, but their personalities are very different. Each of my boys, Greg, my oldest son and Michael, my youngest son, have their own way of dealing with life situations. Greg has a more laid back point of view 'OK, I will go, no definite plans today. / I am flexible, I can change my plans.' he joins the family on outings and dinner for the sake of joining us. As long as he can take a book with him to exercise his mind at some point during the outing he will go with the family. He does not always express his opinion of like or dislike about the decision that was made on the type of outing or what to have for dinner. Greg enjoys spending time on family outings and eating dinner with the family. Michael is more decided, he makes suggestions on what kinds of outings we go on, such as biking or skateboarding. He is very energetic, if an activity involves physical movement such as sports he wants to try it. Because Michael likes to skateboard, he will add in the option to go skateboarding to any discussion about what kind of family outing to go on. He also makes suggestions on what to have for dinner. My youngest son enjoys spending time on family outings and dinner with the family as well, no matter the outcome of the decision. Michael likes to have a prominent part in the making of the family decisions. These are just two examples of how my boys interact with the family. On one hand, Greg chooses not to express his opinion vocally, on the other hand, Michael wants his voice to be heard and his opinion known to the world.

Both boys have an ‘I don’t care what anyone else thinks' attitude, but each has their own opinion about the way they look. They both stay relatively clean for teenage boys, but their clothing styles are very different. Greg has more of a relaxed fit style, tends to wear only jeans and t-shirts. He is of the opinion that as long as it covers his body and provides the basic needs he is quite comfortable. I asked Greg how he would feel if the only thing he had to wear was a burlap sack. The only reaction received was, ' Aw mom.' Greg will spend a few minutes in the morning to comb his hair once and then not touch it for the rest of the day. He prefers to keep his hair short. I believe my oldest son and others like him are responsible for the fashion termed ‘Bed-Head’ as a hair style. Whatever the hair looks like when they wake up is how it stays for the day. My boys must deal with the shoes that mom can provide them, but if it were up to each of them they would choose completely different. Given the choice Greg would choose functional rather than stylish shoes. He would choose a pair of tennis shoes for his feet, which fits mom’s pocket book just fine. Michael has chosen what he calls the skater look, I am not quite sure he knows what the skater look is. Not that I have any idea either, the skater style is not something that I pay particular attention to. My youngest son wears what is comfortable for his own tastes. I do not always approve his choice of style, but it is apparent to me that Michael has at least attempted to choose one style over having no style at all. I am relieved that Michael has chosen a style of his own that is acceptable. I cannot say that I approve completely, but it is acceptable, no ultra cobalt blue hair, although his hair is long and appears to be unkempt, he spends more time on his hair than a teenage girl does ( I know , I have one of those too. ) , every curl or wave is done intentionally, no holes in the knees, no shoes five times too big making him look like he has clown feet. ( Of course if he chose these kinds of shoes, given the choice, I would not allow this no matter the look he was after. ) Michael would choose shoes that fit what he feels are the skater look, which are name brands like Nike, Adidas or Vans and appear to be the more popular among the kids these days. Needless to say, at $100 a pair they are very expensive shoes to buy, I cannot afford them. In addition the clothing they choose must at least be comfortable enough to sit for several hours playing video games.

Both boys enjoy video games, but Greg prefers to be creative and fashion games in his mind while Michael is a problem solver, he prefers to figure things out on his way through them. Together both boys will collaborate on what each has learned about the games, however they do not always agree on how best to play the games. For example : One part of a game may take Michael a long length of time to figure out, and for the same part of the game, Greg will research, (while Michael is playing) and find the solution for that part so that it does not take him a long time to get through it. Greg will research the game first, understanding what commands are needed for whatever interface is being used for the game. Then he will make decisions on what to do, by what his research tells him should be the next step. My oldest son will research information from sources that have already experienced or created the outcome that he wants. Michael will just start playing the game. If something does not work he will just start over, back up, reboot, or whatever it is that he has to do to figure out how to get past one level of the game to get to the next level. He will make decisions on what to do based on what he has experienced as what worked or did not work for him. He thinks logically in the aspect that if he had to do one thing to get an item in the game, and a similar situation came up in another level that, he may have to do the same thing to get the next item. My youngest son will use experimental logic to bring about the outcome that he wants to have. Both boys use their own strategy in a number of situations, not just video games, Greg wants to know why things work and how they work. Michael wants to use things for what they were made for, he is not interested in how or why they work.

In conclusion, someday my boys will understand that it is their personalities that allow them to make the decisions that they do. Such decisions about who their friends are, what they enjoy to do for entertainment, places they like to go, clothes they like to wear are all part of their own individuality. My boys are proof that, through interaction with family, outward appearances, even how they play video games, two brothers that have shared a room from a very young age and close proximity to each other, can develop their own distinct personalities as they grow older that will define them as individual young men.