Essay-T2

Question

Hi,Would you please proofread my essay?Internet access for minors can be dangerous. Do you agree or disagree?It is beyond dispute that the internet has shaped culture, commerce, and communication. Despite these benefits, it can pose some potential dangers for children that all parents should be aware of.Primarily, the risk of cyberbullying should be brought to the fore. That the omnipresence of the internet provides easy access to social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter makes online bullying all the more serious. Users are able to easily create an account on these websites and start surfing them as there is no age-limit to become a member. It is this unlimited access that may well increase the possibility of cyberharassment. To make matters worse, unlike schoolyard bullying, which can be controlled by teachers, there is no one to curb this activity in the cyberspace. Hurtful words, rumors together with nasty comments can leave a significant mark on children. The bottom line is that children often do not tell parents about such conditions, being afraid of their parents' overreaction like taking the internet privilege whatsoever. Not only that, there is the threat of predators who seek to ensnare the young generation. The information superhighway has made a perfect forum for making casual acquaintances with new people, yet some with malicious intent can use it to befriend children. Internet predators are expert manipulators who use different forms of social engineering to foster a relationship of dependence with a teenager. Most of them prey on a teen's desire to be liked, their desire for romance, or their sexual curiosity. With the help of online chat rooms and social networks, they try to find their victims among youth and attempt to groom them throughout flattery, charm and sympathy in order to gain their confidence paving the way for future abuse. These can, then, turn into offline relationships or, in extreme cases, opportunities for kidnapping or child abduction. Yet, it should also be admitted that the internet is not a monster. It can play a key role in disseminating up-to-date information. Through this medium, children learn to be more technologically-adept, thus keeping abreast with emerging technology. On top of that, the contribution of social networking sites to their social well-being and even education could be immense. Many teachers and tutors use the internet services like Telegram and Facebook to give lessons, handouts, and assign homework or projects to their students outside of the classroom settings.To reiterate, it seems that the internet, despite its benefits, may well carry the risk of predators and pose dire threats to its young users via cyberbullying. Therefore, as long as children are not overseen while using the cyberspace, there can be irreversible damages.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

It is beyond dispute that the internet has shaped culture,  commerce, and communication.

(You will refer to these as benefits in the next sentence, yet they are not expressed as beneficial.  You need something like this:

The internet has introduced us to other cultures without traveling, enabled global commerce, provided online courses for our education and lowered the cost of communication so much that it is nearly free.

 Despite these benefits, it can pose some potential real dangers for children that all parents should be aware of.

The additional sentence clearly answers the question posed in the topic.

Unfettered access for minors is not advisable.

Primarily, the risk of cyberbullying should be brought to the fore. That the omnipresence of the internet provides easy access to social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter makes online bullying all the more inevitable serious. Users are able to easily create an account on these websites and start surfing them as there is no age-limit to become a member. It is this unlimited access that may well increase the possibility that your child will be exposed to cyber-harassment. To make matters worse, unlike schoolyard bullying, which can be controlled by teachers, there is no one to curb this activity in the cyberspace. Hurtful words, rumors together with nasty comments can leave a significant mark on children. Some sensitive children have been driven to suicide. The bottom line is that children often do not tell parents about such conditions, being afraid of their parents' overreaction like taking revoking all their internet privileges whatsoever.

Not only that, there is the threat of predators who seek to ensnare members of  the young generation. The information superhighway has made a perfect forum for making casual acquaintances with new people, yet some with malicious intent can use it to befriend children. Internet predators are expert manipulators who use different forms of social engineering to foster a relationship of dependence with a teenager. Most of them prey on a teen's desire to be liked, their desire for romance, or their sexual curiosity. With the help of online chat rooms and social networks, they try to find their victims among youth the members and attempt to groom them throughout flattery, charm and sympathy in order to gain their confidence,  paving the way for future abuse. These can, then, turn into offline lead to a face-to-face rendezvous with the  relationships or, in extreme cases, opportunities for sexual abuse or kidnapping or child abduction.

Yet, it should also be admitted that the internet is not a monster. It can play a key role in disseminating up-to-date information. Through this medium, children learn to be more technologically-adept, thus keeping abreast with emerging technology. developing skills they will use in higher education or their future careers. On top of that, the contribution of social networking sites to their social well-being and even education could be immense. Many teachers and tutors use the internet services like Telegram and Facebook to give lessons, handouts, and assign homework or projects to their students outside of the classroom settings.

To reiterate, it seems that the internet, despite its benefits, may well carry the risk of predators and pose dire threats to its young users via cyberbullying. Therefore, as long as children are not supervised overseen while using it, the cyberspace, there can be irreversible damages.

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