Essay Review Request [513 Words] on the play "Fences"

Hi, I'm working on an essay for a high school English class. The essay is about the play "Fences" by August Wilson. We have a peer review day tomorrow and I am looking to get some early feedback to get better feedback tomorrow. My topic generally concerns the idea of how the fence plays a role in the story. I don't have a thesis yet as I am still forming my essay. Any and all feedback is appreciated. This is an early draft, so please be as honest as possible, without sugarcoating anything. As long as some ideas on how to improve it are better. (if my teacher ever reads this, email me at — to verify this is me -- Email address removed, but I am curious as to why you might think that we can identify post readers -- MM). So without further ado, here it is:

START
Every Friday evening, Tory and Bono drink alcohol and talk. They sit on Troy’s porch and discuss recent happenings. Troy is talking about why he doesn’t even know why Rose wants the fence around the yard when Bono says, “Some people build fences to keep people out… and other people build fences to keep people in. Rose wants to hold on to you all. She loves you” (61). Bono is describing the difference between how Troy and Rose view the fence. Troy sees the fence as a way of keeping things separated, as he described before this passage when he asked what Rose wanted to keep out. Rose sees the fence as a way to keep ideas and people within the fence. For Troy, the fence is a mental barrier between the two sides of him. The side of him that has a sense of responsibility and duty as a father is on the side with the house. The other side is where he can “be a different man” (69) with Alberta. As he crosses that fence, he becomes a traitor to his family and loses his family values. When Bono mentions “other people” he is referring to Rose specifically. Rose wants the fence to be built to keep her family united together. She wants Troy to stay within the boundaries of the fence because she believes that if she can keep Troy within her view and in the area of the house, she will be able to hold onto him. The fence is a symbol of wholeness.

Troy’s monologue at the end of Act 2 Scene 2 reveals how the fence represents a mental boundary to him. Troy has just found out that Alberta, the woman who he cheated on Rose with, died while having their baby. Troy says, “All right… Mr. Death. See now… I’m gonna tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna take and build me a fence around this yard. See? I’m gonna build me a fence around what belongs to me. And then I want you to stay on the other side. See? You stay over there until you’re ready for me” (77). The fence in this passage has a wide variety of importance. The first is that Troy constantly repeats the word, “I.” Troy only refers to himself and death; he does not bring in his family. The only words Troy speaks concern himself. By doing this, Troy shows his separation from his family and what he has caused. Troy also refers to the fence as surrounding everything that belongs to him. Troy does not say that the fence will wrap what belongs to his family, but only what belongs to him. The fence still serves as a dual purpose for Troy. It still keeps what is his inside, but now it will keep death out rather than separate his two lives. The fence is not fully built which is how Troy’s lives were separated. The unfinished death is how death entered his life. Now Troy wants to build a fence to separate death and life.
END