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Anonymous Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Essay Intro

Hi, Please tell me your opinion about this intro. and help me make it more effective, thanks!
My topic is on, whether to wear School ID cards.

Violence occurs all the time, on May 18, 2010, college students was attacked by a group of armed men after the security cameras disabled. Having to wear ID cards could sometimes get very annoying, as this add more to our list of things to remember. On many occasions, many would refuse to use ID cards, but we have underestimated the importance of its use. ID cards should be an essential requirement and not a self perference, due to its significance in terms of individual responsibilities and school securities.
  

Top answer

I have underlined some problem areas: Violence occurs all the time, on May 18, 2010, college students was attacked by a group of armed men after the security cameras disabled . Having to wear ID cards could sometimes get very annoying, as this add more to our list of things to remember. On many occasions, many would refuse to use ID cards, but we have underestimated the importance of its use.

  • I have underlined some problem areas: Violence occurs all the time, on May 18, 2010, college students was attacked by a group of armed men after the security cameras disabled .
  • Having to wear ID cards could sometimes get very annoying, as this add more to our list of things to remember.
  • On many occasions, many would refuse to use ID cards, but we have underestimated the importance of its use.
  • ID cards should be an essential requirement and not a self perference , due to its significance in terms of individual responsibilities and school securities .
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1 Answers
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I have underlined some problem areas:

Violence occurs all the time, on May 18, 2010, college students was attacked by a group of armed men after the security cameras disabled. Having to wear ID cards could sometimes get very annoying, as this add more to our list of things to remember. On many occasions, many would refuse t

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