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RachelG Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Essay - help needed
Hello Teachers,
Please help in finding errors with this essay.
Essay Topic- Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.
Essay-
Money! who does not want money? Money is important to survive on this planet but money is not the only thing by which we can survive. So the question is how much of it is important. Some run after it and work day and night to earn it, some are satisfied with what they are earning with their regular job and want to live a comfortable life.
For some people money is everything. They want to live luxurious life like living in big houses, with fancy cars park in their garage,eating out in fancy restaurants and wearing clothes from big designers and brands. Such people run after fame and show off. Such people usually work so hard and even in holidays they tend to spend money on luxurious hotels and go to big cities.
However, some people are satisfied with less money and they like to live a comfortable life.They want to spend time with family and friends. Such people enjoy small things while working and earning money. They are satisfied with small houses and cars. Like to enjoy their holidays with family and friends.
As far as I am concerned, I believe that money is something but not everything. I want a 9 to 6 job so that I can spend rest of my time on the things which I like. I want to live my life peacefully and comfortably. I am of the opinion that money should satisfy my needs and not greed. Life is there to enjoy and for me enjoyment is to spend quality time with family, friends, doing activities which make me happy and spending time in nature. And therefore, I am satisfied with the limited money as long as it is fulfilling my basic needs. As the old adage goes,"money is something but not everything", so is the motto of my life.
Please help in finding errors with this essay.
Essay Topic- Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.
Essay-
Money! who does not want money? Money is important to survive on this planet but money is not the only thing by which we can survive. So the question is how much of it is important. Some run after it and work day and night to earn it, some are satisfied with what they are earning with their regular job and want to live a comfortable life.
For some people money is everything. They want to live luxurious life like living in big houses, with fancy cars park in their garage,eating out in fancy restaurants and wearing clothes from big designers and brands. Such people run after fame and show off. Such people usually work so hard and even in holidays they tend to spend money on luxurious hotels and go to big cities.
However, some people are satisfied with less money and they like to live a comfortable life.They want to spend time with family and friends. Such people enjoy small things while working and earning money. They are satisfied with small houses and cars. Like to enjoy their holidays with family and friends.
As far as I am concerned, I believe that money is something but not everything. I want a 9 to 6 job so that I can spend rest of my time on the things which I like. I want to live my life peacefully and comfortably. I am of the opinion that money should satisfy my needs and not greed. Life is there to enjoy and for me enjoyment is to spend quality time with family, friends, doing activities which make me happy and spending time in nature. And therefore, I am satisfied with the limited money as long as it is fulfilling my basic needs. As the old adage goes,"money is something but not everything", so is the motto of my life.
Top answer
I'm not an English teacher but I do hope my remarks will be helpful. So, I'd change these parts: 'Money is important to survive on this planet but money is not the only thing by which we can survive. ' -> Without them it would be hard to survive in this world but money isn't everything.
- I'm not an English teacher but I do hope my remarks will be helpful.
- So, I'd change these parts: 'Money is important to survive on this planet but money is not the only thing by which we can survive.
- ' -> Without them it would be hard to survive in this world but money isn't everything.
- A certain amount would suffice for a good living.
- Still, the question is how much of it would suffice.
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2 Answers
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I'm not an English teacher but I do hope my remarks will be helpful. So, I'd change these parts:
'Money is important to survive on this planet but money is not the only thing by which we can survive. So the question is how much of it is important.' -> Without them it would be hard to survive in this world but money isn't everything. A certain amount would suffice for a good living. Still, t
'Money is important to survive on this planet but money is not the only thing by which we can survive. So the question is how much of it is important.' -> Without them it would be hard to survive in this world but money isn't everything. A certain amount would suffice for a good living. Still, t
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Thank you for the response. I will work on these points and try to come up with a better essay next time. Thanks a lot.It is really helpful :-)
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