Essay for Toefl 2

1font00Hello everyone, it is me again. I wrote a new essay. I will be happy if someone could check it for me because I can't see my own mistakes. By the way, I still find the time insufficient and my eyes were on the clock. 05002font02br
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01font00-Describe one event from your country's history, and explain why it was important. Provide clear explanations and details in supoort of your answer. (This is supposed to be a descriptive essay.) 02font02br
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00 Gallipoli Campaign still has its memories vivid in our minds though 86 years passed after it.It was not only important for Turkey but also for the other countries including France, Germany, England and Italy. 02br
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00 Started in 1915, Gallipoli Campaign was one of the most bloody wars in history. Approximately 53.000 soldiers from Turkey and 111.000 soldiers from other countries fought in this war. One aspect of this was was that naval attacks, landings and the air assaults were done 01font00( can I say done?)02font00 which meant more loss of life. 02br
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00 There are different reasons of Gallipoli Campaign but if we want to count, the more important ones are these: 01font00( can I count things like that in an essay?) 02font00First, the Ottoman Empire has lost Trablusgarp and Bingazi and wanted to gain those lands back; second, 01font00(I have no idea about pronunciation. Is it correct? And do I have to count first, second, third respectively?...) 02font00England and France wanted to conquere Istanbul; third, russia needed help via bosphours to gain her power back; fourth, Turkey trusted Germany and her power and was in a high expectation of winning the war; fifth, Istanbul was under attack and Turkey was in a complete danger. 02br
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00 No matter what the reasons were, it had no side to be proud of. As well as other soldiers, it affected innocent civilians too. Aside from the great success of soldiers, Turkish civilians showed great courage as well. Even women got involved in the war volutarily. they carried heavy stones, guns on their back and they helped soldiers as snipers. When they ran out of gun, they fought one by one with enemies. Maybe just because of this we can count Gallipoli Campaign as one of the rarest wars in this world. 02br
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00 Gallipoli Campaign left plight memories on the others too. For example, Anzacs were just the victims of destiny. This was had nothing to do with them but the had to be involved on other countries' will. Both sides lost numerous soldiers in this war and both sides were really affected badly by poverty, hunger and illnesses during the war. 02br
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00 As all wars, Gallipoli Campaign has some results too. First of them is that Turkish people gained courage by defeating enemies despite their poorness, lack of men and gun; second, M.K. Ataturk's celebrity and success spread all around the world;01font00( Does it spread?)02font00 third, Istanbul wasn't conquered; fourth, unfortunately Turkey gave a big loss and most important, it lost its brains and Russia couldn't get enoguh help and was deprived of its aid so she couldn't help Europe. 02br
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00 The year is 2008 and the effects of the war still lingers in Gallipoli. The cemeteries of Anzacs and soldiers from Europe are now turned into an open museum and the gates of Dardanelles are open to their grand sons. 02br
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01font00I felt a bit off-topic. Am I really?02font010id6