Essay exam

Hello! Today I had an English writing exam. The task was, as far as I can remember something like this:

More and more people try to cut smoking. But in 2019 still 24% of the adults smoke. Studies and organisations found that taxes on smoking and free support to quit, were ineffective. Should smoking be prohibited totally?

Here is my essay (The assessment is mainly focused on vocabulary, interpunction, coherence and grammar, as well as content (that means if the Intro, 3 points, and conclusion are available and whether they are relevant) :

Do not prohibit smoking!

While smoking was quite common in the past, nowadays many express strong disapproval of it. Over the past decade, many smokers in the Netherlands have attempted to quit their bad habit, but 24 percent of the adults still smoke. Now, the government is considering to totally prohibit smoking, since high taxes on cigarettes and free support to help quit smoking have proved to be ineffective. However, in my opinion prohibiting smoking will help neither. Instead we should focus on rehabilitating smokers by raising awareness about the disadvantages of smoking. In this essay I will give arguments that advocate my view.

First of all, it should be noted that smoking is extremely addictive and the more one smokes the harder it will be to quit. If suddenly a law is enforced which forbids it, smokers will be extremely frustrated and face a huge amount of distress. Moreover, research has found that quiting smoking immediately without taking time, will not yield results but rather extreme withdrawal symptoms, such as depressions and mental disorders. Instead, research argues, quitting should be done step by step, making sure the individual can slowly adapt to lower levels of nicotine.

Secondly, if a ban on smoking will indeed be imposed, it may well stimulate criminality. To illustrate, smokers will probably not give up on cigarettes, but rather try to get them from elsewhere. Then a market will flourish in which the demand for tobacco will be supplied through illegal ways and it is probable that it will be of great difficulty to track criminals. It would only cost more money

Lastly, I want to stress how crucial it is to raise awareness about the many drawbacks of smoking. People are more inclined to give up on it when their willingnes comes from inside. They themselves should realize how harmful smoking is for their health. In contrast, when they are forcefully told to stop at once, it will likely result in a backlash. The government should therefore more invest in rehabilitation centres that educate smokers about their high chances of suffering from respiratory diseases, and encourage them to engage into sports and follow a hielthy diet. These centres should also teach the negative social consequences of smoking. These include polluting the air and affecting their fellow citizens, or more importanly, their families.

To summarize, I strongly disagree with enforcing a law which prohibits smoking. It is an utterly unwise idea since many smokers gradually need get out of the habit. Otherwise they are likely to face more stress due to the absence of their daily dose of nicotine. This law would spell only more trouble since criminality will be on the rise to continue fulfilling the desires of smokers. Instead the government should put the emphasis on raising awareness among smokers about the many disadvantages of their addiction. Rehabilitation centres are therefore the key to helping smokers quit and more money should be invested in them. So do not light their cigarette but enlight their minds!