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Anonymous Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Essay corrections
Hi, previously i posted the intro of my essay. Can someone please tell me their opinions about my essay, if it's effective and the improvements i should make. Thanks.
Violence occurs all the time, on May 18, 2010, college students was attacked by a group of armed men after the security cameras disabled. Having to wear ID cards could sometimes get very annoying, as this add more to our list of things to remember. On many occasions, many would refuse to use ID cards, but we have underestimated the importance of its use. ID cards should be an essential requirement and not a self preference, due to its significance in terms of individual responsibilities and school securities.
Firstly, the use of ID cards will always have beneficial effects toward the student's responsibility. Student will improve on their responsibility skills through learning how to be responsible for what they own and valuing them. School teachers or supervisors often remind students to wear ID cards around their neck where it's visible and warn them to not place it in their pockets or anywhere not visible. A fee of $5 is charged for a purchase of a new ID card for irresponsible students as a punishment.
Lastly, ID cards protect schools and students in it from strangers that posts potential threat. The ID card act as a proof identification that you belong in or is a member of the school. Anyone without ID cards visible around their neck in a school are regarded as intruders. These people are forbid to enter the school. Having every students to have or wear ID cards in schools is vital, because anything that affect the school's security could be dreadful.
ID cards should always be worn in schools. Students need to think about the consequences before storing it in their pockets or leaving it at home. The ID cards were made to increase the school's securities, so student can feel safe while learning, therefore, we should always support its purpose than going against it.
Violence occurs all the time, on May 18, 2010, college students was attacked by a group of armed men after the security cameras disabled. Having to wear ID cards could sometimes get very annoying, as this add more to our list of things to remember. On many occasions, many would refuse to use ID cards, but we have underestimated the importance of its use. ID cards should be an essential requirement and not a self preference, due to its significance in terms of individual responsibilities and school securities.
Firstly, the use of ID cards will always have beneficial effects toward the student's responsibility. Student will improve on their responsibility skills through learning how to be responsible for what they own and valuing them. School teachers or supervisors often remind students to wear ID cards around their neck where it's visible and warn them to not place it in their pockets or anywhere not visible. A fee of $5 is charged for a purchase of a new ID card for irresponsible students as a punishment.
Lastly, ID cards protect schools and students in it from strangers that posts potential threat. The ID card act as a proof identification that you belong in or is a member of the school. Anyone without ID cards visible around their neck in a school are regarded as intruders. These people are forbid to enter the school. Having every students to have or wear ID cards in schools is vital, because anything that affect the school's security could be dreadful.
ID cards should always be worn in schools. Students need to think about the consequences before storing it in their pockets or leaving it at home. The ID cards were made to increase the school's securities, so student can feel safe while learning, therefore, we should always support its purpose than going against it.
Top answer
I have underlined some problem areas: Firstly , the use of ID cards will always have beneficial effects toward the student's responsibility . Student will improve on their responsibility skills through learning how to be responsible for what they own and valuing them . School teachers or supervisors often remind students to wear ID cards around their neck where it's visible and warn them to not place it in their pockets or anywhere not visible.
- I have underlined some problem areas: Firstly , the use of ID cards will always have beneficial effects toward the student's responsibility .
- Student will improve on their responsibility skills through learning how to be responsible for what they own and valuing them .
- School teachers or supervisors often remind students to wear ID cards around their neck where it's visible and warn them to not place it in their pockets or anywhere not visible.
- A fee of $5 is charged for a purchase of a new ID card for irresponsible students as a punishment.
- Lastly , ID cards protect schools and students in it from strangers that posts potential threat.
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2 Answers
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I have underlined some problem areas:
Firstly, the use of ID cards will always have beneficial effects toward the student's responsibility. Student will improve on their responsibility skills through learning how to be responsible for what they own and valuing them. School teachers or supervisors often remind students to wear ID ca
Firstly, the use of ID cards will always have beneficial effects toward the student's responsibility. Student will improve on their responsibility skills through learning how to be responsible for what they own and valuing them. School teachers or supervisors often remind students to wear ID ca
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