Essay correction: preparing for TOEFL exam

As I am preparing for TOEFL exam, I practice for essay writing. I woud be happy if anyone correct my essay and give feedback to improve my writting.
Thanks in advance.

It has been proven that hard work leads you to success in your life but there are also other factors to be considered. We have many examples of people who are successful in their lives. Obama was born in United States and started his life as a lecturer and became the president of United States as we all know now, and this was possible because he worked hard and had other qualities too. In other words, if you want to be successful in life you should possess skills like qualification, good attitude and better organization skills.

The first step is to have good qualification. You should have a degree from a good university and if possible you can also get a diploma from a community college and that will give you practical experience. Language is also important. You can learn English which will help you to get a better job and you can also learn other languages like French that will give you more chances of getting a better job than others. Interpersonal skill is considered to be very important. You should be able to communicate with friends and family efficiently and also with your co workers. in general qualification gives you the basic knowledge you need in your life.

Secondly, you should have a good attitude. You should never lose hope and be positive, even if you have a junior position. You might not succeed now but later in life just like an athlete who thinks he will succeed even after loosing the match but succeeds later in life. Always be friendly with your coworkers and friends and especially with your family. Be confident especially when you are giving speech or presentation or starting a new work. If you have good attitude you have nothing to lose, because it give you a feeling of success.

Lastly, organization skills are very important and without that you can never be successful. Many employers are looking to hire people who are good at coordinating things like negotiating with others and efficiently managing meetings. Never start something without making a plan, especially when you are starting a new job or planning for your future studies or project. You have nothing to lose, even if you don't work you can use your organization skills at home.

Other people think that only hard work will lead to success in your life. However, the overwhelming evidence suggests the contrary, that hard work has nothing to do with success and is actually counterproductive. If hard work is supposed too produce success, then it would stand to reason that everyone who works hard would be successful. But that is far from the case. Most people who work hard never come close to being successful. In fact, most hard workers have a much higher incidence of non-success than they have success. Like Janitor works all their lives cleaning buildings, moping floors, vacuuming carpet and sanitizing washrooms. They don't even get pay rise and have to work more hours.

There are many reasons people should have these sets of skills like qualification, good attitude and better organization skills. Because you don't want to be left behind from others in your life and by having these sets of skills you have nothing to lose and you will be more successful and will have more secure future.