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Anonymous Posted 13 years ago
Grammar
Essay correction for TOEFL exam
I think my essay is kinda boring and over exaggerated....
I'd be so honored if anyone corrects it for me.
I agree with the argument that there will be fewer cars in the future than today. Many reasons serve to contribute to the factor that number of cars will decrease gradually 20 years later,and I will present my views into 3 different aspects in a detailed explanation in this essay to solidify it.
To begin with, it is essential to notice the significance of technology. As it is known to us all, technology always plays an instrumental part in the advancement of society. Frankly speaking, cars are actually the inventions of modern technology due to the fast-paced innovations in science. Today, our cars have already made a huge leap in appearance, functions compared to the era when Karl Benz invented the first car in human's history. So, there is no doubt that cars will continue to develop in this non-stagnant improvement of technology. When technology eventually paves its way into a turning point, new staffs begin to emerge, that is something we,as humans have long imagined about flying machines which may eventually take the place of cars.
Another factor lies in the consequence of environment. Environment has actually turned into an alarming issue for humankind since the revolution of industry. We are slowly evoked by the fact that Mother Nature is suffering from serious pollution problems as well as shortages in natural resources. Cars are the one to blame since tons of carbon dioxide are emitted by them every year .When we've raised the awareness of the serious situation our nature is facing, we may take other transportation such as bicycles as a substitute to cars.
Also, I need to point out that cars rely on oil,and oil-drilling is becoming one of the most difficult things to do due to the decline and rareness in oil resources. Therefore, there is a possibility that 20 years later many countries will be in a great demand of oil. In the meantime, the price of oil will continue to rise exponentially, which will become less affordable to many people so that the numbers of cars may become smaller.
All in all ,I am in favor of the point that there will be fewer cars 20 years later as all the issues I 've mentioned in the essay above.
I'd be so honored if anyone corrects it for me.
I agree with the argument that there will be fewer cars in the future than today. Many reasons serve to contribute to the factor that number of cars will decrease gradually 20 years later,and I will present my views into 3 different aspects in a detailed explanation in this essay to solidify it.
To begin with, it is essential to notice the significance of technology. As it is known to us all, technology always plays an instrumental part in the advancement of society. Frankly speaking, cars are actually the inventions of modern technology due to the fast-paced innovations in science. Today, our cars have already made a huge leap in appearance, functions compared to the era when Karl Benz invented the first car in human's history. So, there is no doubt that cars will continue to develop in this non-stagnant improvement of technology. When technology eventually paves its way into a turning point, new staffs begin to emerge, that is something we,as humans have long imagined about flying machines which may eventually take the place of cars.
Another factor lies in the consequence of environment. Environment has actually turned into an alarming issue for humankind since the revolution of industry. We are slowly evoked by the fact that Mother Nature is suffering from serious pollution problems as well as shortages in natural resources. Cars are the one to blame since tons of carbon dioxide are emitted by them every year .When we've raised the awareness of the serious situation our nature is facing, we may take other transportation such as bicycles as a substitute to cars.
Also, I need to point out that cars rely on oil,and oil-drilling is becoming one of the most difficult things to do due to the decline and rareness in oil resources. Therefore, there is a possibility that 20 years later many countries will be in a great demand of oil. In the meantime, the price of oil will continue to rise exponentially, which will become less affordable to many people so that the numbers of cars may become smaller.
All in all ,I am in favor of the point that there will be fewer cars 20 years later as all the issues I 've mentioned in the essay above.
Top answer
Hi; I have highlighted some areas that need attention, and commented on the most problematic sentences. I hope you will take this as constructive criticism for your writing, not a personal one. Many reasons serve to contribute to the factor that number of cars will decrease gradually 20 years later ,and I will present my views into 3 different aspects in a detailed explanation in this essay to solidify it.
- Hi; I have highlighted some areas that need attention, and commented on the most problematic sentences.
- I hope you will take this as constructive criticism for your writing, not a personal one.
- Many reasons serve to contribute to the factor that number of cars will decrease gradually 20 years later ,and I will present my views into 3 different aspects in a detailed explanation in this essay to solidify it.
- You need to rewrite this sentence.
- It is wordy, run-on, and structurally unsound.
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1 Answers
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Hi;
I have highlighted some areas that need attention, and commented on the most problematic sentences. I hope you will take this as constructive criticism for your writing, not a personal one.
Many reasons serve to contribute to the factor that number of cars will decrease gradually 20 years late
I have highlighted some areas that need attention, and commented on the most problematic sentences. I hope you will take this as constructive criticism for your writing, not a personal one.
Many reasons serve to contribute to the factor that number of cars will decrease gradually 20 years late
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