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Kanou Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Essay Correction
Could you please correct this essay? I would be really grateful if you could help me!
Wording:
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities which should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Which facilities should receive money from local
authorities?
??museums
??sports centres
??public gardens
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility it is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.
Essay:
Since we are still struggling with the economic crisis, local authorities are having a hard time, because they have to decide which facilities should be given money. It is obvious that there isn’t enough money for all the facilities that have requested it. The following paragraphs show two options of facilities that should be given money for their developement.
There are on one hand, the museums which are very important for the city and people living there. If the authorities want a cultivated nation they need to maintain history the best they can. Therefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years. Besides, museums also attract tourists who would benefit the city’s economy and make it well known.
The other option are the sports centres which are for the populations well being. It is well known that for a balanced healthy life one needs to practise sport. Furthermore, a great percentage of the school’s sport teams practise in the sports centres. This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so it needs also frequently maintenance.
In my opinion, the facility which should be given money are the sports centre, because they invite you to lead a healthy lifestyle. In addition, it is the most visited facility by youngsters, often used by them as a meeting place.
Wording:
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities which should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Which facilities should receive money from local
authorities?
??museums
??sports centres
??public gardens
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility it is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.
Essay:
Since we are still struggling with the economic crisis, local authorities are having a hard time, because they have to decide which facilities should be given money. It is obvious that there isn’t enough money for all the facilities that have requested it. The following paragraphs show two options of facilities that should be given money for their developement.
There are on one hand, the museums which are very important for the city and people living there. If the authorities want a cultivated nation they need to maintain history the best they can. Therefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years. Besides, museums also attract tourists who would benefit the city’s economy and make it well known.
The other option are the sports centres which are for the populations well being. It is well known that for a balanced healthy life one needs to practise sport. Furthermore, a great percentage of the school’s sport teams practise in the sports centres. This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so it needs also frequently maintenance.
In my opinion, the facility which should be given money are the sports centre, because they invite you to lead a healthy lifestyle. In addition, it is the most visited facility by youngsters, often used by them as a meeting place.
Top answer
Kanou There are on one hand, the museums There are on one hand, museums. You haven't mentioned any particular museums so, you don't need the . Kanou which are very important for the city and people living there.
- Kanou There are on one hand, the museums There are on one hand, museums.
- You haven't mentioned any particular museums so, you don't need the .
- Kanou which are very important for the city and people living there.
- You would need to make it clear from the beginning, which city you are talking about.
- Kanou Therefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years .
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6 Answers
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KanouThere are on one hand,There are on one hand, museums. You haven't mentioned any particular museums so, you don't need the.themuseums
Kanouwhich are very important for the city and people living there.You would need to make it clear from the beginning, which city you are talking about.
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AnonymousDo you mean recent years?Yes!
AnonymousYour use of an apostrophe gives the impression that you are referring to one school in particular. Is that what you meant?No, I was referring to all schools that have a sport team. Therefore I wouldn't need an apostrophe, right?
I see that if I make a mistake I can m
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KanouYes!You could also write it as: during the last few years, in the last few years or over the last few years. You could even replace the word last with past.
KanouNo, I was referring to all schools that have a sport team. Therefore I wouldn't need an apostrophe, right?Right.
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Thank you for your correction it helped me a lot =)
I'm just a little nervous because I have my exam next week.
I'm just a little nervous because I have my exam next week.
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There is no need for nervousness. If you do all the preparation that you can, then being nervous won't change that, so, you might as well not be.
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AnonymousThere is no need for nervousness. If you do all the preparation that you can, then being nervous won't change that, so, you might as well not be.Thank you for your kind words!
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