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Kane159 Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Essay correction

Hi,could you correct my essay,please? Thanks in advance!

Firstly I have decided to write a review about the movie called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone which was directed by Chris Columbus in 2001. In fact the story describes the life of Harry Potter, an ordinary 11-year-old boy serving as a slave for his aunt and uncle who realized that he is actually a wizard. Moreover he has been invited to study the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Next Harry is taken away from his mundane existence by Hagrid, the grounds keeper for Hogwarts, and quickly thrown into a world completely foreign to him.
Another point is that he is famous for an incident that happened at his birth, when an evil wizard Voldemort killed both of Harry's parents and tried to kill Harry himself but the spell he had cast somehow fell short.
On top of that at Hogwarts Harry meets his teachers and becomes friends with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. However they soon accidentally find out that the teacher of Potions, Severus Snape, seems to plot on stealing something that is protected by a three-headed dog. In conclusion they take it on themselves to find out what Snape is up to. Their investigating for the truth leads across many obstacles from keeping up the everyday school life, Quidditch matches (Quidditch is a popular wizard sport), the three-headed monster dog and what is more some tasks to get to the protected object. Anyway the person who managed to stole the sorcerer's stone is not the redoubtable teacher of Potions. The real thief is the teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts who is controlled by lord Voldemort trying to stole the stone in case of immortality.
To sup up Harry Potter is played by Daniel Radcliffe accompanied by Rupert Grint and Emma Watson playing the other two characters. In my opinion the movie was created so that everybody could comprehend it smoothly. That means you will not encounter any difficulties during the movie and the plot itself is quite simple.
Finally it is up to you whether you find it worth watching or not. Last of all I have to simply admit that the film disappointed me. In my life I have seen better ones.
  

Top answer

Firstly I have decided to write a review about [the/ a] movie called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone which was directed by Chris Columbus in 2001. I was the movie, he was treated like a slave, but he isn't a slave] for his aunt and uncle who realized that he is actually a wizard. [Moreover/ Later ] he has been invited to study [the/ at ] Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

  • Firstly I have decided to write a review about [the/ a] movie called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone which was directed by Chris Columbus in 2001.
  • I was the movie, he was treated like a slave, but he isn't a slave] for his aunt and uncle who realized that he is actually a wizard.
  • [Moreover/ Later ] he has been invited to study [the/ at ] Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
  • Next Harry is taken away from his mundane existence by Hagrid, the [grounds keeper/I don't know how to correct this, but it sounds wrong] for Hogwarts, and quickly [thrown/ brought] into a world completely foreign to him.
  • [Another point/Not needed is that] H e is famous for an incident that happened [at/ after ] his birth, when an evil wizard Voldemort killed both of Harry's parents and tried to kill Harry himself but the spell he had cast somehow [fell short/ went haywire] .
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2 Answers
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Firstly I have decided to write a review about [the/a] movie called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone which was directed by Chris Columbus in 2001. [In fact/inappropriate] the story describes the life of Harry Potter, an ordinary 11-year-old boy serving as a [slave/umm...I was the movie, he was treated like a slave, but he isn't a slave] for his aunt and uncle who realized that he is a
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**typing error. I 'saw' the movie, not I 'was' the movie. Sorry.

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