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Anonymous Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Essay
Hi, I'm senior high school student from Poland and tomorrow I'll be taking trial English exit exam in which I'll most likely have to write an essay, and I wonder if this will be sufficient for the first paragraph of my article (If you can help me with grammar and sentence structure I'll be thankful)
Companies offering bungee jumps and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spread amongst the youth. There is no denying that both of these activities are exciting and thrilling and, with no doubt, are something that some of the teenagers would enjoy. However jumping off an airplane from 10,000 feet, or the top of the crane or bridge relying on a piece of rope may be scary for some people. So we may be funding our friend an experience of his life but also we can make his nightmares come true. Let's take a closer look on this issue.
Companies offering bungee jumps and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spread amongst the youth. There is no denying that both of these activities are exciting and thrilling and, with no doubt, are something that some of the teenagers would enjoy. However jumping off an airplane from 10,000 feet, or the top of the crane or bridge relying on a piece of rope may be scary for some people. So we may be funding our friend an experience of his life but also we can make his nightmares come true. Let's take a closer look on this issue.
Top answer
That's pretty good. Although there are minor problems, the only one that bothers me is that 'exciting' and 'thrilling' are synonyms, so you should delete one of them. I have underlined some other problem areas: Companies offering bungee jumps and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spread amongst the youth.
- That's pretty good.
- Although there are minor problems, the only one that bothers me is that 'exciting' and 'thrilling' are synonyms, so you should delete one of them.
- I have underlined some other problem areas: Companies offering bungee jumps and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spread amongst the youth.
- There is no denying that both of these activities are exciting and thrillin g and , with no doubt, are something that some of the teenagers would enjoy.
- However jumping off an airplane from 10,000 feet, or the top of the crane or bridge relying on a piece of rope may be scary for some people.
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4 Answers
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That's pretty good. Although there are minor problems, the only one that bothers me is that 'exciting' and 'thrilling' are synonyms, so you should delete one of them.
I have underlined some other problem areas:
Companies offering bungee jumps and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spread amongst the
I have underlined some other problem areas:
Companies offering bungee jumps and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spread amongst the
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Companies offering bungee jumping and skydiving enjoy an enormous interest, as the trend of getting vouchers for these activities as a birthday gift spreads amongst the youth younger generation (or "millennials"). There is no denying that both of these activities are exciting and thrilling and, without no a doubt, are something th
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Thank you so much for you effort. It seems that the journey's long until i reach efficient level of using English 
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AnonymousThank you so much for you effort. It seems that the journey's long until i reach efficient level of using EnglishActually, you are much closer than you think.
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