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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past.

Do you agree or disagree?

Modern lifestyles mean that most of the parents does not pay enough attention to their kids as a result of which their kids suffer. In my opinion, I agree that many children suffer because their parents pay little time and attention to them. However, I also agree that parents have right to live the life they want.

Modern lifestyles mean people have different way of life than in the past. In the past, parents,especially mothers, used to just stay at home and look after their children the whole day, but the time has changed now, so has the way of life. Nowadays, Many mothers are seen to be involved in jobs rather than spending their time at home doing nothing but looking after their kids. There is nothing wrong with this because parents also have the full rights to persuade their dreams and live a life that they think is better for them. For example, if a women wants to be become a lawyer then she should be spending more of her time on her studies rather than her children.

Firstly, apart from their personal lifestyles, parents have a huge responsibility towards their kids too. Parents not spending enough time with their kids can have negative impact on their kid. This can even affect academic performance. If parents do not pay attention to their children they may follow the wrong path and suffer. Secondly, Parents have their own way of life does not necessarily mean that they can not spend enough time with their kids. Many parents can be seen to live a busy life while spending quality time with their children. This is exemplified by a famous footballing icon Cristiano Ronaldo, who despite living a busy life manages to spend quality time with his son.

In conclusion, parents must realize that their children suffer when their children do not get enough attention from them. In addition to that, it is their duty to look after their children so they should allocate a certain time for their kids to make them happy and teach some valuable lesson.

Englishmaven · Accepted Answer

I'm going to make comments for you paragraph by paragraph. I have numbered the paragraphs to make it easier for you to follow.

1. Modern lifestyles mean that most of the parents does not pay enough attention to their kids as a result of which their kids suffer. In my opinion, I agree that many children suffer because their parents pay little time and attention to them. However, I also agree that parents have right to live the life they want.
You should say "most parents." You have an error in subject/verb agreement. "Kids" is not appropriate language for a formal writing assignment. You meant "...children, a result of which is that their children suffer." However, it would be better to make two sentences and avoid that structure altogether. "...children. As a result, their children suffer."
It is redundant to say, "In my opinion," and "I agree" because agreeing is giving your opinion. We don't use "pay" with "time," though we do use it with "attention." Lastly, use an article before a singular count noun.

2. Modern lifestyles mean people have different way of life than in the past. In the past, parents,especially mothers, used to just stay at home and look after their children the whole day, but the time has changed now, so has the way of life. Nowadays, Many mothers are seen to be involved in jobs rather than spending their time at home doing nothing but looking after their kids. There is nothing wrong with this because parents also have the full rights to persuade their dreams and live a life that they think is better for them. For example, if a women wants to be become a lawyer then she should be spending more of her time on her studies rather than her children.
Use an article before a singular count noun. "The time" doesn't mean the same thing as "times." Your first sentence has a comma splice error toward the end of it. Watch errors with capital letters. Using words like "just" in reference to what stay-at-home mothers do, and saying they do "nothing but look after their" children will not be well-received by most female readers, not to mention male readers. I think you mean "pursue," not "persuade." Most people would not agree with the way you expressed your last thought in this paragraph. You make it seem like the mother should neglect her children for her career. Watch the connotations of the vocabulary you choose.

3. Firstly, apart from their personal lifestyles, parents have a huge responsibility towards their kids too. Parents not spending enough time with their kids can have negative impact on their kid. This can even affect academic performance. If parents do not pay attention to their children they may follow the wrong path and suffer. Secondly, Parents have their own way of life does not necessarily mean that they can not spend enough time with their kids. Many parents can be seen to live a busy life while spending quality time with their children. This is exemplified by a famous footballing icon Cristiano Ronaldo, who despite living a busy life manages to spend quality time with his son.
You can't start this paragraph with "firstly" because you already said quite a bit before it. Use an article before a singular count noun. "Secondly" is as problematic as "firstly." Watch your capital letters. "Parents have their own way of life" is not a noun clause that can be used as the subject of "does not necessarily mean." You mean "football," not "footballing."

4. In conclusion, parents must realize that their children suffer when their children do not get enough attention from them. In addition to that, it is their duty to look after their children so they should allocate a certain time for their kids to make them happy and teach some valuable lesson.
Your first sentence repeats vocabulary too much. Reword it to avoid that. You say "children" twice and you say "them" for parents. Lastly, you should say, "...teach them valuable lessons."

I hope this helps you.

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