Essay

Hi,
I wrote this essay to practice toefl essays. I would appreciate it if you could help to pointing out essential factors I missed in a formal academic writing, and also correct my mistakes. I also was looking for using transitions correctly and efficiently. Could you please help me?

"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion."

Nowadays, people spend considerable amount of their time in front of televisions. This can have advantages and disadvantages to our life, especially in communicating with close ones - namely, family and friends. Personally, I think television programs diminish the quality of relations in both family space and friends’ community. Some addict to watching television and lost their time, others escape from their real life and there are people who are changed to socially unsuitable persons.

Initially, it is extremely important that one control their time in front of television. Considering there is usually no time limitation is advised in a television channel, it is possible the spended time increases irregularly. This extension possibly can fill the time we meant to have with our family or friends. For instance, addiction to television series, which is very common in families, can fill the time that has to spend with activities such as family discussions to help each family members' problems.

Secondly, it is important to not use televisions as a pain killer to our real-world relations. People have to talk to solve their problems, even though hardship to resolve the problem is inevitable. People can easily enjoy not having conversation and watching their favorite movies, yet, nothing was erased by the time we consumed.

Finally, unconscious learning from television programs can teach us socially unacceptable habits which probably are not desired among families and friends. Consequently, as much as leaving with that manner of living can lead to not communicating properly with people. Assuming a situation that can an inappropriate funny television series can have on children’s way of using words helps to imagine at what extent the televisions have the ability to harm human communications.

All in all, there are advantages and disadvantages to watching television. Despite the damages it is able to cause, we can mention the times when television aids a family to spend time with each other, or provide subjects to talk with friends. However, the number and effectiveness of that in destroying a relation among friends and families is far inferior to its benefits.

 Thanks