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Guest Posted 22 years ago
Grammar
Essay
I need to re work this beginning paragraph - any ideas???
Coming to grips with the harsh reality of racial bias and cultural privilege is a hard pill to swallow for adults who have, by the time they are old enough to forge their own way into the ethnically prejudiced world, have learned to somme extent to deal with such inequity. However, inflicting innocent, naive children with the cruelty of racial divide is just about the most unforgiving act inclusive of the many hard lessons youth must learn. Toni Cade Bambara's THE LESSON and George C. Wolfe's 101 DALMATIONS recount the shocking moments when each story's protagonist was forced to digest an ugly truth so painful that is served to alter the very direction their respective lives took.
Coming to grips with the harsh reality of racial bias and cultural privilege is a hard pill to swallow for adults who have, by the time they are old enough to forge their own way into the ethnically prejudiced world, have learned to somme extent to deal with such inequity. However, inflicting innocent, naive children with the cruelty of racial divide is just about the most unforgiving act inclusive of the many hard lessons youth must learn. Toni Cade Bambara's THE LESSON and George C. Wolfe's 101 DALMATIONS recount the shocking moments when each story's protagonist was forced to digest an ugly truth so painful that is served to alter the very direction their respective lives took.
Top answer
Use fewer words and don't break up your sentences with long strings of additional information. Try to think of the most efficient way to say something. Readers usually find long sentences tiring.
- Use fewer words and don't break up your sentences with long strings of additional information.
- Try to think of the most efficient way to say something.
- Readers usually find long sentences tiring.
- You may even confuse some readers because there is too much information to keep track of.
- " This is a much shorter version of your first sentence.
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2 Answers
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Use fewer words and don't break up your sentences with long strings of additional information. Try to think of the most efficient way to say something. Readers usually find long sentences tiring. You may even confuse some readers because there is too much information to keep track of. For example:
"Coming to grips with the harsh reality of racial bias and cultural privilege is diffi
"Coming to grips with the harsh reality of racial bias and cultural privilege is diffi
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It is a good writing. Please, allow me to prune it a little.
It is hard for adults to come to grips with the harsh reality of racial biases and cultural privileges. Now that they have learned to some extend to deal with such inequity by the time they get old enough, they are likely to forget their own experiences of having been into the ethnically prejudiced world. However, inflicting i
It is hard for adults to come to grips with the harsh reality of racial biases and cultural privileges. Now that they have learned to some extend to deal with such inequity by the time they get old enough, they are likely to forget their own experiences of having been into the ethnically prejudiced world. However, inflicting i
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