English Essay: Would you please comment? Thank you!

Genre: Personal Essay
Title: Don't be Afraid to Say I Love You

“I love you.” As soon as those words left my mouth, I stopped short. My breath hitched in my throat, the veins in my neck tightened, threatening to explode from the intense pressure, my brows knitted themselves into a mess on my forehead and my mouth hung dead open. Around me, everything was in fast motion, young and old, men and women, dogs and cats passed me by in a blur, while I stood there in the middle of it all, motionless. How could this happen? The letters forming themselves into those words and slipping through my lips, vibrating the air particles around them to form a thin, shrill sound that squeaked out “I love you” to a fellow 14-year-old girl whom I had known for only a year.

All my life I was taught how sacred “I love you” is. I was taught that “I love you” was only meant for the precious few in my life – for my family and for my future spouse. I was taught that I love you comes attached with responsibility, with sacrifice, with all things noble and all things I would never do for the girl I said it to. Perhaps I was supposed to say it standing behind a veil, dressed in a white pristine gown in a cathedral or perhaps I wasn’t meant to say it at all. But yet, I said it.

The first time I said “I love you” I felt that I disgraced the word love.

It took me months to wrap my head around the fact that I said it. Even then there was still a voice in me that couldn’t accept it, screeching and shrieking and screaming, bringing back the memory and also the guilt. The guilt of saying “I love you” to someone that I, according to definition, did not love. But as time washed away the initial guilt, I found the deposits to be even more haunting – the fact that after all these teachings and precautions I had allowed the words to slip out so casually without thought. Has love lost all its meaning to me?

The fear of losing the meaning of love perpetuated in me. Afraid to give or accept love, I began to enclose a shell around myself where I could hurt no one and no one could hurt me with their meaningless love. The days dragged on, all until that same girl, whom I said “I love you” to, said it back to me. In that instant, the words pulled us together, affirming the sisterhood we shared. This “I love you” was not from family or a spouse; there was no declaration of eternal love; there was no commitment of responsibility. But in this “I love you”, we were both showered with the valuable acceptance of each other – not only of the body but of the soul. The meaning of words like “I love you”, I have come to realize, is shaped only by one’s understanding of it upon being impacted by it.

From then on, every I love you I received held a different meaning, injecting in me hope, faith and trust. Because of how those “I love you” s made me feel, I have discovered the existence of love in so many niches of life and that “I love you” can be widespread without losing its meaning. I found so many situations where I needed to say I love you, simply to make that someone feel the same way as I did when I heard I love you. Soon, “I love you” became simply an expression of emotions to me.

I say “I love you” because love sees not just with the eyes, but with the heart. Hearing those words gave me the courage to be seen and I want someone else to know that I see the real them, or at least, I want to see and accept the real them. I say “I love you” because love is gratitude. When I say “I love you”, I want to say thank you, for being present in my life, for loving me, and for letting me be myself. I say “I love you” because my commitment and full presence in a relationship – physically, emotionally and spiritually—can only be expressed with it. Only “I love you” speaks of the vulnerability of unmasking myself in front of love. Most importantly, I say “I love you” because when people hear it repeatedly, they are constantly reminded that they are loved, valued, noticed and that can change their whole view of themselves.

I love you is simply I love you. Every time we feel moved to say "I love you," we recognize that love is there. We can throw “I love you” carelessly around or we can wield it with power and use it to restore in us love's awareness and change lives. The meaning of I love you doesn't diminish because we say it to people other than our family or our spouse; it diminishes when we stop believing in the impact of it.

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