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Please review my IELTS essay. Thank you!Topic: Recent research has confirmed that human activity has become the greatest threat to plant and animal life. Why do you think this has happened? How can we reduce our impact on the natural world?My essay:--------------------These days, it is believed that we humans have a significant and destructive influence on the planet’s flora and fauna. I definitely agree with this statement and I will discuss the reasons why this pressing problem happened and some solutions to tackle it. First and foremost, nowadays, the threat to plant and animal life is due to the loss of habitat. More large areas of land for the construction of homes and cities have to be built since there is an increasing world population. This issue leads to the removal of plants and trees, which also has an impact on the animal territories. Furthermore, urban development is another contributing factor affects to this big problem. There will be a shift in weather patterns such as drought, flooding, and heat waves, which take their toll on the natural world. We can see that humanity has a significant and destructive influence on wildlife, therefore, the issue can be solved by some measures. Firstly, about individuals, they should treat the countryside with respect. With some small notices such as using public transport instead of private vehicles or turning off the lights when there is no need, they can help our planet avoid being destroyed. Moreover, the government also has a responsibility for protecting the world around us. Government should encourage the inhabitants by having a prize for them when they follow the laws seriously, the opposite, the government has better penalize them to pay taxes unless they comply with environmental protection regulations. What authorities need to do next is to sign up for treaties of collaborating in the protection of the world.In conclusion, human awareness is the main factor leading to the threat to the world's diverse species. So it is now time for us to save the environment, and as the result, we humans can be able to have a sense of harmony with nature

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Ðan LinhI definitely agree with this statement and ~~I will discuss the reasons why this pressing problem happened and some solutions to tackle it~~.

There is no question "Do you agree?" or "To what extent do you agree?"

If you answer a question that is not part of the task, you lose points for "task response".
There are five essay types. You have to write a correct response for each type.

The second part of your sentence is also inappropriate. You need to write a short answer for each prompt:

1. Why do you think this has happened?
2. How can we reduce our impact on the natural world?

For example: The main cause is the combination of population explosion and industrialization. If we are acutely aware of our adverse impact on the environment, we can not only stop the damage, but restore some areas to their natural state.

Then your the body paragraphs will elaborate and support your statement.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

These days, it is believed that we ~~humans~~ have a significant and destructive influence on the planet’s flora and fauna. ~~I definitely agree with this statement and I will discuss the reasons why this pressing problem happened and some solutions to tackle it.~~

Answer the essay prompt in the task instructions. See my previous post.

First and foremos

Answer the essay prompt in the task instructions. See my previous post.

First and foremost, ~~nowadays~~, the threat to plant and animal life is ~~due to~~ the loss of habitat. More large areas of land for the construction of homes and cities have to be built (wrong verb. We do not build land areas. Land is part of the earth. We can create new land by dumping lots of rocks and dirt in a swamp or shallow sea, but that is quite rare.) since there is an increasing world population. This ~~issue~~ (wrong word) leads to the removal of plants and trees, which also has an impact on the native species and their ecosystem. ~~animal territories~~. (wrong expression) Furthermore, urban development compounds ~~is another contributing factor affects~~ (wrong word) ~~to this big~~ (Avoid "big" in academic writing. It is a word for small children. ) the problem. (the next sentence does not logically follow. How does urban development cause heat waves and flooding?) There will be a shift in weather patterns such as drought, flooding, and heat waves, which take their toll on the natural world.

We can see that humanity has a significant and destructive influence on wildlife, (comma splice error. Ungrammatical sentence.) therefore, the issue can be solved (Solve issue is not a natural collocation. We solve problems. We discuss, address, tackle and deal with issues.) by some measures. Firstly, First, ~~about~~ individuals~~, they~~ should treat the countryside with respect. With some small ~~notices~~ (wrong word) changes in behavior such as using public transport instead of private vehicles or turning off the lights when there is no need, they can help our planet in small ways that really add up. ~~avoid being destroyed~~. ~~Moreover~~, (When you begin a series with "first", you should continue with "second", "third" and "fourth." Do not switch transition phrases.) ~~the~~ Second, governments also have a responsibility for protecting the world around us. ~~Government~~ They should encourage ~~the inhabitants~~ (poor word choice) ~~by having a prize for them when they follow the law~~s (What laws? Not taking illegal drugs?) all citizens to abide by environmental protection laws, rewarding them when they go the extra mile to help, and penalizing them with fines or imprisonment when they engage in activities such as killing endangered species or illegal lumbering. ~~seriously, the opposite, the government has better penalize them to pay taxes~~ (That makes no sense. Everyone pays some kind of taxes. Your argument is very poorly written. I have given you a suggestion. ) ~~unless they comply with environmental protection regulations.~~ What authorities need to do next is to sign up for treaties of collaborating in the protection of the world.

In conclusion, ~~human~~ (wrong word) awareness (wrong word) is the main factor leading to the threat to the world's diverse species. That makes no sense at all. If we are aware of the damages, that is not a threat, is it?) So it is now time for us to save the environment, and as the result, we ~~humans~~ can be able to have a sense of harmony with nature (That is off-topic. You have to summarize the main argument points in the body paragraphs.)

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