embarrassed to, ashamed to, ashamed of

Question

I am a Japanese who learn and sometimes teach English.

Which of the following sentences is/are wrong grammatically, or which sounds like unnatural English? Which and which have the same meaning? Are there any nuances among them?

(context: Samantha was crying loudly in public. And she was seen crying. So she felt embarrassed about it.)
No1. Samantha was very embarrassed to be seen crying loudly in public.
No2. Samantha was very ashamed to be seen crying loudly in public.
No3. Samantha was very ashamed of being seen crying loudly in public.

I wrote down No1 without any doubt or any problems.
However, I was asked by a student of mine why No2 and No3 are not correct.
First of all, I explained about the difference between “embarrassed” and “ashamed.”
In this situation, the use of "embarrased" is better.
Then I could explain to the student about No2, because “ashamed to-“ means “ unwilling to do something because of shame or embarrassment “, so No2 goes like " Samantha was too ashamed to cry."
But as for No3, I couldn’t give the students convincing explanations.

Is No3 a correct English sentence?
Can No1 and No3 be used completely as the same meaning?
Which sounds most natural?

Thanks in advance for your answers.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I see nothing wrong with any of your three sentences. All sound natural and essentially synonymous, though #3 to me sounds like the shame appeared later than the crying.

No native speakers of my acquaintance would think twice about any difference in meaning between 'ashamed' and 'embarrassed', irrespective of how dictionaries might try to differentiate them.

SoSaysSunny · Answer

Good Morning! (Ohayou Gozaimasu!)

No1. Samantha was very embarrassed to be seen crying loudly in public.

No3. Samantha was very ashamed of being seen crying loudly in public.

Anonymous Is No3 a correct English sentence? Can No1 and No3 be used completely as the same meaning? Which sounds most natural?

Sentences #1 and #3 are both grammatically correct and sound perfectly natural but they have slightly different meanings.

You mentioned the difference in meaning between embarrassed and ashamed. In many situations these phrases (embarrassed to be, ashamed of being) are interchangeable.

HOWEVER ...

Embarrassment can be caused by a deliberate act, an accident, or even felt for someone else's situation.
Being ashamed (feeling shame), on the other hand, hints at responsibility or guilt.

SUMMARY: Embarrassed can work in most situations but ashamed is more limited.

CAUSE	Embarrassed	Ashamed
deliberate act	YES	YES (if feeling responsible)
accidental act	YES	NO
someone else's situation	YES	NO
guilt / responsibility	OK	YES

Back to your original assignment:

Crying loudly in public would not typically inspire guilt ... so I would choose embarrassed.

HOWEVER ...

If Samantha is an attention-seeker who frequently makes a scene, perhaps she should feel ashamed.
If Samantha cried loudly in public to ruin her cousin's wedding, she should definitely be ashamed of herself.

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you for your comment.
It's interesting to know "the shame appeared later than the crying."

I would act the same as natives of your acquaintance, if a question on Japanese phrases, seemingly ambiguous, were asked.

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you for your comments, SoSaysSunny.

Your explanations are very easy to understand.
Giving me a lot of examples and various possible contexts help me understand slight differences among the three above.

Especially, the table of "CAUSE/EMBARRASSED/ASHAMED" is very helpful, and "HOWEVER.." gives me a deeper understanding of the three phrases.

SoSaysSunny · Answer

Another thought ...

I was so delighted by your compliments that I showed them to my mom. She is a writer and some of her short stories have been published. She suggested another distinction between embarrassed and ashamed.

Public vs. Private

Shame involves accepting responsibility or feeling guilt ... so shame can be felt in private, even if noone else knows about what you did.

Embarrassment is more associated with public opinion.

One more usage comment:

The concept of shame is probably more clearly defined in cultures with a focus on honor and sin. My distinctions between shame and embarrassment may be due in part to my religion and my local culture ("Bible Belt" of the southeastern United States).

So, in summary:

CAUSE	Embarrassed	Ashamed
deliberate act	YES	YES (if feeling responsible)
accidental act	YES	NO
someone else's situation	YES	NO
guilt / responsibility	OK	YES
public	YES	YES
private	OK	YES

That's just about everything I know on this topic.

<--- Me, feeling embarrassed.

Save
Save

Maylalala · Answer

SoSaysSunny, thank you so much for your additional explanation.

The view of Public vs.Private is very helpful for me to understand differences of the two.
AND thanks for the perfect Table of CAUSE, Embarrassed, Ashamed.
I'll show it to my students, who asked me why No.2 and No.3 were wrong, in the next class.

Also, I respect your mother's insight toward words.
I think she is very conscious of usages of a word and place a great value on each word, because she is a writer.
I have been studying to be a translator some time, so I can understand how deeply she explores the world of a word.
Though I usually don't care much about grammar-stuff when I speak English, my belief is; it is important to respect language itself which carries various backgrounds behind it.
Anyway, I thank you again, SoSaysSunny.

embarrassed to, ashamed to, ashamed of

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Another thought ...

Public vs. Private

Related Questions