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SweetFreedom Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Editing of a short passage
Is my editing proper? Your opinion will be appreciated.
The original passage:
He doesn't understand that reconstruction of a country in peace time needs civil services more than military services; needs officials more than officers. Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take the gun and join the battles during the Revolution. Electing Jefferson twice was a right choice.
My editing (remove all words with underline) :
He doesn't understand that reconstruction of a country in peace time needs civil services more than military services, officials than officers. Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take the gun and join battles during the Revolution. Electing Jefferson twice was a right choice.
But how to further improve?
The original passage:
He doesn't understand that reconstruction of a country in peace time needs civil services more than military services; needs officials more than officers. Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take the gun and join the battles during the Revolution. Electing Jefferson twice was a right choice.
My editing (remove all words with underline) :
He doesn't understand that reconstruction of a country in peace time needs civil services more than military services, officials than officers. Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take the gun and join battles during the Revolution. Electing Jefferson twice was a right choice.
But how to further improve?
Top answer
He does not understand that reconstruction of a country in peacetime needs civil services more than military services, officials more than officers. Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take up the gun and take part in battles during the Revolution. Electing Jefferson twice was the right choice.
- He does not understand that reconstruction of a country in peacetime needs civil services more than military services, officials more than officers.
- Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take up the gun and take part in battles during the Revolution.
- Electing Jefferson twice was the right choice.
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2 Answers
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He does not understand that reconstruction of a country in peacetime needs civil services more than military services, officials more than officers. Jefferson was more gifted in civil service than John Adams, who did take up the gun and take part in battles during the Revolution. Electing Jefferson twice was the right choice.
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My intuition tells me that "the right choice" is better than "a right choice".
But I wonder why the latter does not work here.
But I wonder why the latter does not work here.
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