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Yoong Liat Posted 19 years ago
Grammar
editing
0 01 b 00 It was only when my mother sternly said to me when I called lamenting about my problems and the stress and inability to concentrate on my studies, to hang up the phone and instead open up the Butsudan that very minute and chant Daimoku, not stopping until I felt a deep sense of joy from within. 02 br
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01 i 00 I've corrected the above as follows. Could someone please comment on the corrected version? Thanks in advance. 02 i 02 br
02 b 02 br
00 When I phoned my mother lamenting about my problems, the stress and the inability to concentrate on my stuies, she sternly told me to hang up the phone and instead open up the Butsudan that very minute and chant Daimoku, 00 not stopping until I felt a deep sense of joy from within. 02 br
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01 i 00 I've corrected the above as follows. Could someone please comment on the corrected version? Thanks in advance. 02 i 02 br
02 b 02 br
00 When I phoned my mother lamenting about my problems, the stress and the inability to concentrate on my stuies, she sternly told me to hang up the phone and instead open up the Butsudan that very minute and chant Daimoku, 00 not stopping until I felt a deep sense of joy from within. 02 br
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00 0-
Top answer
0 It reads well, Yoong. ). The sentence is very long and shifts in perspective.
- 0 It reads well, Yoong.
- ).
- The sentence is very long and shifts in perspective.
- Could you break it down into two - the first focusing on what you did, the second on what your mother recommended?
- Also, the informal tone of 'phoned' doesn't quite sit right with the very formal 'lamenting' in that first part.
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2 Answers
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0 It reads well, Yoong. (Please advise: should I call you Yoong, or Liat, or Yoong Liat?). The sentence is very long and shifts in perspective. Could you break it down into two - the first focusing on what you did, the second on what your mother recommended? Also, the informal tone of 'phoned' doesn't quite sit right with the very formal 'lamenting' in that first part. How about 'complaning
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0 Thanks, Rose. I agree with you - the sentence is very long. I'll try to break it into two, as suggested. 02 br
00 Daimoku is the chanting of the phrase 'Nam-myoho-renge-kyo'. Nichiren Shoshu Buddhists believe that chanting this phrase will enable our negative karma to be eradicated. So the more they chant, the more negative karma is eradicated. I'll italicise the word as advised
00 Daimoku is the chanting of the phrase 'Nam-myoho-renge-kyo'. Nichiren Shoshu Buddhists believe that chanting this phrase will enable our negative karma to be eradicated. So the more they chant, the more negative karma is eradicated. I'll italicise the word as advised
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